Smoke Signals

The complexity of simplicity Pt. 1

2010-02-11T14:54:00.002-06:00

Below is a journal entry I wrote in April of 2008 about the previous year (Before I had a blog, ha). I now post it because we had quite the discussion on simplicty last night in our community. In fact, this whole month, we are exploring this idea in different, tangible ways. I thought I would post this . . . these were my thoughts two years ago. But when discussing last night, I feel like I have a whole new flood of insight and thought that greatly expand on this. So, I plan to follow this up with a post that expands on this idea much more and one that perhaps gives rounder thought to this immense topic. Maybe it will even use Bible verses this time. Ha.

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Simplicity.

“Simplicity is the property, condition, or quality of being simple or un-combined. It often denotes beauty, purity or clarity. Simple things are usually easier to explain and understand than complicated ones. Simplicity can mean freedom from hardship, effort or confusion. It may also refer to a simple living lifestyle. Can also be the basis,or bare foundation to terms of understanding, proving no depth or intricate reasoning.” -(Sorry, two years ago, I didn't site my source)

Simplicity.

What does this look like in our world and what is its purpose?

A question I’ve asked myself so many times since last year. One I feel I have come a long ways in understanding, but far from practicing. Recent thinking on this topic again, as well as recent conversations about this have led me to the following.

Like most ideas in my life, simplicity was first understood by me on one of the far ends of the pendulum

In this case, legalistic asceticism.

Giving up ALL possessions, fixating on only pleasures that directly involve God, living literally as Jesus did, basically denying ALL worldy pleasures to inherit heavenly ones, etc. was my idea of “Simplicity”

Simplicity, in my mind, started outwardly so it could change me inwardly.

Well, this was a big task, but Lord knows I got to a point where I was willing to go homeless (But this would been out of guilt and not love).

My first Baby, baby, baby step in doing this was to (Probably without the knowledge of anyone at this point), get rid of well over half of my clothes. I trimmed it WAY down. My next step was to get rid of about 75% of my DVDs and almost all my CD’s (But what does it matter, the music was still on my computer).

Then again in the winter, I got rid of over half my winter clothes.

My shoes of choice had become, in the winter, a pair of shoes I’ve had for 5 years, and in the summer, a pair of sandals I’ve had for 8 years.

I was well on my way to simplicity.

Somewhere along the way I realized the enormity of what I was pursuing and it killed me. At what point am I simple? I could have only one shirt, but if a boy in Africa comes on TV and has no shirt, then do I have too much? Wait, I have a TV? Should I be watching that? What about my car, why do I have that when I could easily Bike . . . or walk! To be simple, do I need less “things”? How much less? Being dirt poor in America, is like a King in other countries, how do you reconcile that? As a disciple of Christ am I commanded to sell all my possessions and give to the poor? If so, don’t the poor I give money to then just use it to buy “Things” and therefore disobey the command I followed to bless them, giving them the very thing I have rebuked? Should I give up my cell phone? Say, “screw the internet” and withdraw? What is the answer?

The enormity of a goal that seemed all but impossible to reach, rendered the end of any sort of pursuit of “simplicity” in my life before I even got very far. I gave up, because life had become full of nothing but guilt and complexity in this effort.

I have come to believe that obtaining inward simplicity through becoming outwardly (specifically materially) simple is like believing that putting on Pro football gear will make me a Pro football player.

At some point I just arrived at what I believe true simplicity is.

Growing communion with God.

This is an inward event.

That has outward changes.

Because honestly, if we focus on inward simplicity, that is, growing communion with God, then doesn’t all the worldy desires just naturally begin to fade away?

While dressing up as Pro footballer doesn’t make me one, it is true that all Pro football players wear the gear. The gear has no bearing on ability, but in those who do have the ability, it is an outward and necessary expression of the reality.

2010-02-09T23:39:00.000-06:00

2010-01-18T23:24:00.003-06:00

Sometimes when reading the news off of Digg I have to make sure, half way through the article, that I'm not accidentally reading the Onion. Its always a relief when I am reading the Onion, but its horrible when I realize its an actual news story.

Jesus Rifles!

Who's Gonna Reset The Bone?

2010-01-17T00:50:00.002-06:00

With little to blog about, I have to start, so I can bump that horridly sad picture in my last post.

1. I really like the new Swell Season CD.

2. I have begun to love straight espresso. Everyone should and you should go to Broadway Cafe in order to love it properly . . . they have the best by far.

3. I have had a shift in how to approach people, in line with what I have hoped. We're all broken people just trying to figure out life and none of us are getting it right. I believe this view fosters compassion, empathy, and patience.

4. I no longer enjoy Hookah.

5. Pride and fear are rampant in the human soul. They Kill.

6. I never thought I would live in Kansas City, but now I do. And I love it.

7. "Oh, what am I to think of what the writing of a thousand lifetimes could not explain if all the forest trees were pens and all the oceans, ink?"

8. I don't understand it. I feel so far from it. And I sure don't mean it. But I believe it.

All that matters is Jesus.

Probably one of the saddest photos ever

2009-12-19T19:55:00.002-06:00

This made me happy google, but its also a little creepy you have it.

2009-12-18T00:09:00.003-06:00

Take A Look at this.

Tiffany for whatever reason (probably love) googled my name today and decided to send me the link to this article and it shocked me because I literally haven't seen it in 12 years. While I was never in boy scouts, this magazine was put out by the boy scouts. It was called "Boys Life" I actually got recognized several places right after this article in 1996.

I was just commenting the other day about how for me memories of places and people always bring a kind of sadness with them.

But not this. This article is from a time in life I'm really fond of. Nothing but joy comes from this.

The "Jenks America Jersey" reminds me of Jenks, OK. The track where I trained and all the people I knew. There would be upwards of 70 kids at the track I trained at with Jenks America. Our team even won nationals several times.

If you look on the left, you see the cover of the magazine with a big Iguana on it. This is what inspired me to soon after get two iguanas. In a web of circumstances, I think Joseppi owes his home with me to this article.

What you probably didn't notice are the "Racing Stripes" buzzed into my head. Why my parents let me do this, I'll never know, but I was the only kid (at the time) I ever knew to have these . . . and yes, they eventually went all the way around my head.

I'm wearing girls shoes by the way. Mens shoes were often too wide for my feet at this age.

This was a good memory. I am such a different person now . . . I no longer run, I got a real haircut, weigh 2.2 times as much and I only occasionally wear womens shoes (Kidding). But its ok. This was a time in my life I have my fondest memories . . . loving running, living in Oklahoma and not having a care in the world. And I'm ok with that.

I don't miss it and I don't regret it.

A Pharisee And His Loss

2009-12-12T10:39:00.005-06:00

I'm in the blogging mood this morning. I'm never in a blogging mood in the morning. It might be the 2 shots of espresso I had.

I find myself awkward at the idea of what I'm about to broadcast, because its point isn't for sympathy, but as a vital part of my processing about ministry in the inner city.

In light of one of Lukes recent posts, I can't help but smile at the irony of my truck being stolen last Wednesday night.

The lock to our parking lot was cut. Truck locks bypassed. Hot Wired (Who knows how they got it out, but according to the tire marks in the snow, it took a couple of tries)?

My favorite part is picturing the mounds of snow that must have had to been scraped off before it was even drivable.

I wonder if they adjusted the mirrors also before they took off?

In reality though, while it is immediatley inconvenient, in the scheme of life, this is about as meaningful as a stubbed toe. I came to live in this neighborhood, prepared to possibly give my life. So in the days after a stolen truck, its only produced a gratefullness that at least I still have a lot more valuable things to sacrifice.

Yet, its made me think a lot about love, grace, justice and forgiveness.

When asked who the pharisees of our day are, Shane Claiborne responded “Me. The Pharisees of today are people like me. White, educated males. We are the Pharisees.”

I am both intrigued and confused by this answer. It's about me and I struggle to understand it, let alone avoid perpetuating its truth.

So what does it mean that I assume the person who took my truck is not like me at all; a black, uneducated male?

What does it mean that in one moment I pray the thief will come to understand Ephesians 4:28, but in the next moment I hope he crashes the truck into a tree?

I struggle to know, with Jesus hanging on the cross in the middle of two criminals, on which side is my thief?

Would he confess or curse my savior? Has he answered this? To what extent is this trespass against me, a trespass against the one in whose name I come?

Should I pray for him or shake the dust off my feet?

I was asked by someone, if he was to be caught, would I press charges?

I certainly have not come to this neighborhood to facilitate our countries brand of justice.

Yet, would I get the audience with this person to express how unneccesary his actions were? Would I be allowed, or even able, to extend grace to him in a meaningful way? Would I be a a resounding gong and clanging cymbal or would I speak the words of life? Would I even want to meet him?

On which side of the cross is my thief?

For me, this is the whole tension. How do I break down cultural barriers in the name of my God without building them myself? How should I hope and pray and how should I rebuke? How should I love and how should I bring justice? How should I feel and how should I sacrifice?

How should I discern if I'm poor in spirt or if I'm just a pharisee; a white, educated male at the feet of my savior?

God have mercy.

**EDIT: Sorry for the mis-use of any scripture for my own purpose, hopefully the train of thought is understood.

Raytown

2009-11-04T00:45:00.000-06:00

Quiet nights take me on drives, and on this one,
to a local restaurant. The teen-something cashier
checks my ten dollar bill with a pen that will colorfully tell
if I’m an honest soul
or have less noble pursuits.

I pass and she subtly flirts, unaware of my
age or commitment— perhaps not.
I say nothing and frown, while silently wishing there was a tip
jar so I could fail to contribute, just
to drive the point home.

I hunker in a seat by myself and become
self-conscious.
This quickly dissipates as I discover that my
hot sandwich has
cold, un-melted cheese.
Eh, I move on.

Two middle aged women enter and begin pointing and staring at
the sign above my booth, advertising something
they heard was good, but have no intention of ordering.
They’re uncomfortably close and awkwardly happy.
I become self-conscious again.

I finish my meal and refill my drink.
Forgetting my lid on the counter,
I begin heading to my truck without cup holders.
Once inside, I pinch
the drink between my legs and
wonder if there is anywhere else to
go, but home. I drive that direction, tired,
realizing that quiet nights take me on drives,
but loud ones bring me home.

A Cup Full Of Oil

2009-10-31T16:10:00.001-05:00

A Cup Full Of Oil

Some places are meant to be left.
Only in memories can they
truly come alive.
And the pain sifts
to the bottom as all the beauty
and all the good
sit on top like
oil on
water.

Some places look better in the rain.
I have my routes
that I only drive in storms.
The sun can taint a scene, exposing faded colors
and giving a cheery personality to something
meant to be dulled by dark
clouds and falling drops.

Some places are hell.
Not the after-death.
But places that are currently real and
impossibly inescapable. Crumbled minds,
battered spirits and ravaged lands can testify that death
is death is death.

But some places are meant for love.
My arms
and my heart.
Your world
and mine.
Life
and death.

A cup full of oil.

54 years

2009-10-25T15:47:00.000-05:00

Interview with Aaron Weiss of mewithoutYou.

Blue Indian's interview with Aaron Weiss of mewithoutYou from Drew Goddard on Vimeo.

29 Years

2009-10-25T01:55:00.003-05:00

I confess. I don't know how to make the most of this life.

I want so much from this life. At least 5 lifetimes worth, if not more.

So how do I deal with the fact that I only have one life? How do any of this deal with that?

Precious days, passing by.

I'll spend this life, figuring out a fraction of what I want from this life.

And now it's time for bed.

Tootin My Horn: UPDATE

2009-10-16T17:26:00.004-05:00

So this post is actually going to combine my last two posts.

First off, I just got in my Sumatra Mandheling beans to Roast. I'm really excited about these beans, and roasted up three batches this afternoon (Last time I smelled up the whole church, but I've figured out a good method involving doing it out my bedroom window and using a fan).

And WHILE the beans were roasting (They take about 7 minutes) I returned to the typing to test to make good on my claim that I could reach 90 WPM.

My first try today landed me at a new record of 86.7. Then a few tries later I pulled off a heartbreaking 89.2. Then, during my third batch, this happened . . .

After Lukes last comment (He apparently didn't even try the test or else he would see that it takes many considerations into calculating your score) he'll be happy to know that I only missed two words.

And now I think I'm done with this test forever because

1. I feel really lame for needing to show this off on my blog.

2. I think I've reached my limit and could spend hours improving very little

3. I saw this guy . . .

Tootin My Horn

2009-10-15T22:15:00.006-05:00

I hate these kind of things, because I usually become addicted. Luckily I have restrained myself and haven't played this game that much. I was mainly averaging 70 - 74 WPM, but then something clicked and I reached a whole new level . . .

I'm done after that last one, but I have confidence tomorrow that I can reach 90. I challenge someone to beat me . . . rankmytyping.com

Coffee Roasting

2009-10-08T20:13:00.004-05:00

Thats right, coffee roasting. I am now a home roaster. I ordered my green coffee beans (Costa Rica Las Lajas Mell and Colombia Sierra Nevada) and picked up my $9.99 Walgreens Hot Air Popcorn Popper and roasted 6 batches of coffee today!

Its the experiment stage. I roasted 3 batches of each kind of bean for varying lengths of time. Now, the hard part is waiting a couple of days for the CO2 to escape before grinding and pressing the beans.

I've been doing a lot of researching into roasting coffee beans and it has been fascinating. I truly hope that this is the beginning of a long time hobby.

I'd Bury It, I'd Burn It

2009-09-27T17:09:00.004-05:00

Last night, Luke, Nick and I watched the movie Millions. It was a movie about kids who find a bag full of money and follows the events that unfold afterwards.

It was very very good.

It left me thinking about when I was kid and dreaming of what I would do if I suddenly aquired a million dollars. It reminded me of all the "what if" scenarios and questions I've heard in mile life, around the topic of unexpectedly coming into a large amount of money.

Who hasn't thought about this, right?

All the things we'd buy. All the things we'd do. All the fun we'd have.

I was left reanalyzing this idea last night. And for no reason, $10 million was the number I played with.

If I currenly, all of a sudden, aquired $10 million, what would I do with it?

My first response was to think that there is no way I could feel like I would deserve that kind of money. Whether it was left on my door step, or I won the lottery, nothing I've done in life makes me think I deserve that kind of money, especially when I am beginning to see the lack in the world today.

So then, what would I do with it?

Perhaps I would give it all to the community I currently live in. But would our ministry, or any ministry, be able to be effective with $10 million in their bank account? Money is clearly not the answer to the place we're in, its actually, mainly the problem. How about any other ministry? Or split between several other ministries? My immediate gut reaction, for a reason I haven't processed yet, is "No". I do not think it would be a good thing to give the money, or split the money between any ministry or person. I think it has to do with the fact that, I would be giving the money to make things better, and if money in a situation is made to make things better, then that just rubs me the wrong way.

Ok, Well, if I don't get it and no one or nothing else gets it, then maybe I make a statement with it. Perhaps I get it all in cash, build a pyramid with it on Wall Street, douse it in gasoline, and burn it all up while videotaping it so it can become a Youtube sensation. Then after that, I write a book on why I did it, and talk about God and Greed and probably politics. But then I'm not sure what I would do with the Millions of Dollars I would make off my book.

So I concede. Maybe I'll just take it after all. Well then I started thinking about what $10 million would mean for my life. I truly think it would make life far less satisfying. While things such as supporting a family and one day starting my own business comes with a level of stress, it also comes with much excitement. I think there is much satisfaction found (And to be found) in working towards these things yourself (Not to say that you should rely on yourself instead of God in life, but I do think that a person providing for themself and God supplying ones needs can be the same thing). With more money than I need, it takes out this satisfaction and excitement from the equation of life. To use a very poor and juvenile analogy, I have played many video games where the goal is to either build up your character into a powerful one, or one where you earn money to build a bigger and better fill-in-the-blank. Both these style of games get to the point where you excel and have so much power/money that you can't even use it all. Its no fun then. The enjoyable part was building up to this point, not the point itself. I would think obtaining a lot of money would be like reaching the end of a video game.

With all that said, I don't know what I'd do. Like I said, I would feel like I don't deserve it, but I would probably find a way to convince myself that I at least deserve to pay off some student loans. And maybe a new tennis racket.

Anyone have any better ideas of what to do with $10 million?

Show me your wounds, I'm tired of mine.

2009-09-23T23:24:00.002-05:00

I just realized the other day. I only publish about half my blog posts. Usually I spill myself out and then when I'm done, I no longer feel like posting it. Maybe one day, I'll post 80 unpublished works at once.

I now work at Latte Land in Briar Cliff Village. I love it. Since High School I've wanted to be a Barista. Now, finally, at age 25, I am living that dream. Here's to being a lifetime Barista!

Community is Great. Community is Hard. Community is Weird.

I don't know. I sometimes get really frustrated here . . . it's not the Nirvana (Don't worry, I'm still Christian) that I thought it would be. But when I think of not being here, I realize how much I absolutely love it. Barely been here a month and now I don't know how I could ever not be in community. It just makes so much sense. Who would have thought that life after college can get even BETTER.

Tonight, a fellow Christian Brother from the neighborhood named Roy ate dinner with us. Roy is 61 years old and was recently punched in the eye by a guy he beat in chess.

He beat a guy in chess and the guy punched a 61 year old man in the face.

He now has a couple dozen stitches and his eye is just now starting to open.

Roy is unbelievable. He lives in the house he grew up in, but the house, for some reason, has no windows, plumbing, or electricity. It's basically wood nailed together.

But Roy broke down in tears tonight as he told us that hes known people for 50 years in this neighborhood and they (Literally) wouldn't even give him a glass of water, let alone a meal like we were. Roy gave us so much encouragement about what we were doing in the neighborhood. He said so many things that were such a blessing:

"You can't climb a mountain that is smooth, only one that is rocky" In reference to life.

"What if football players came out and marched around the field for 2 hours saying "We are athletes, We are athletes" . . . eventually you would tell them, "WELL PROVE IT". Thats what Christians do today . . ."We are Christians, We Are Christians" and a neighborhood like this says, "Prove It" and you all are . . . you're proving you're Christians." (This was paraphrased, Sorry for all the Quotes in it. :-) ).

"My Biggest fear is that when I get in line for the judgement seat that I get behind Billy Graham, and that when Billy Graham gets before God, God tells him that he didn't do enough. I mean, its Billy Graham! I'm in big trouble if I'm next!"

"I want to make Lucifers top 10 most wanted."

2009-09-02T18:20:00.000-05:00

Bel and the Dragon

2009-08-25T23:10:00.003-05:00

So life is good.

The East Coast was great, but KC is better.

I was the last one to move into the church, to complete the 9.

I hope to have a video tour of the church we're living in soon. Its fantastic.

I realized the other day how blessed I am. I am literally living in a mansion with 8 of my best friends, serving the Lord in a neighborhood that needs an example of his kingdom . . . I just pray that we can be that.

Currently there is a bat in our big room right outside of my room. Hes been flying laps and now hes just been sitting still on our wall for about the last 15 minutes.

I found a new favorite band of mine, but I spent about an hour trying to figure out how to put it on my blog like Luke does, but I failed miserably. Therefore you just get a link.

Nathan Asher And The Infantry

Fortunately the song I would have put on is the very first one on his Myspace.

So listen to it and love it.

Blueberry Hill

2009-08-03T12:27:00.005-05:00

I hate that blogger won't let you indent. Underscore = Indention

Blueberry Hill

i.

God has fallen asleep in my temple.
Hes taking up space, but I can’t bear
to wake him to leave.
In the alter room,
the fire is dying and the smoke is filling--
The sacrifice consumed.

In the growing darkness he sleeps.

ii.

At the age of 25

I feel like a shell of my old self.

A sunset through a sky full of blackbirds;

_____Stains speckled on a masterpiece.

iii.

Walking up Blueberry Hill, I met a mother
and her daughter

_____Picking blueberries.

“Slim Pickins'” said the mother as
her child added a smile.

Further up the hill, I found blueberries 3 at a time.
I picked and I saved until I had quite the harvest.
In one fell swoop, I took the whole lot.
An explosion of bitter and sweet and rottin’
filled my mouth, making the experience a mixed one.

Swallowing, I looked up and saw the mountains. They glided
over the horizon, my head tilted back to take it all in.

_____What a beautiful God there must be.

Back down the hill the mother and child were sitting in the path as I approached.

“How’d ya come out,” I asked, seeing only a dozen and half had been gathered.

“We ate most of ‘em as we found ‘em. Only good ones. But that's ok."

“Yes it is.”

iv.

God has fallen asleep in my temple.
But hes beginning to dream.
Hes beginning to dream in me
and I can’t bear to wake him.
For why would I wake a
God who dreams
so beautifully?

A Thousand Pieces, A Thousand Sizes

2009-07-27T09:57:00.001-05:00

A Thousand Pieces, A Thousand Sizes

I am damp sand
on the high part of a coast
where the water barely
and rarely licks.

I am obscure, never quite dried by the sun;
unable to sift through wandering toes-
I don’t contain warmth and I’m too dry to be moldable;
only good for a quickly crumbled castle-
I am scattered like rubble;

A thousand pieces, a thousand sizes.

I pray that each time
the ocean comes; that each time
it calls its waters back--
I will come loose and go with it.

Grain by grain, may I be
lost in its rapturous waters.

Laken. Middlebury. Green Mountain Coffee.

2009-07-26T13:59:00.002-05:00

Laken. My new water bottle.

So I'm just coming off of a week long trip that involved 10 states. I've got to see a ton of new places. It was fantastic. 47/50 states complete.

Got to see a member of the Psalters in Fishtown, a neighborhood in Philadelphia.

Of course I didn't talk to him.

Tons I want to write about right now.

Since my visit to Taize, France, I feel like a whole new world has been opened to me in the faith of Roman Catholicism. As a long time Christian, I would like to think that there aren't major things in the faith that I'm completely ignorant about.

But as I continue to learn, I learn how completely ignorant I am on anything and everything Catholic. It's been an incredibly stretching and growing experience, as well as fascinating. I'm reading a big thick book that I stole, that reads like a history/theological text book on the subject, and I'm loving it.

Another thing that has been helpful in this journey is an Episcopal Priest who would rather be catholic. You might remember him from this post (the other day, I heard him leading a church bible study where he referred to the Pharisees as "Assholes" and "Sonuva Bitch"). Conversations with him are always very interesting. And very surprising.

Anyway, the point in all this is that, I think all protestants need to ask questions and figure out for themselves why they're not Roman Catholic. I'm left wondering where option 3 is.

Books I'm Reading and am actually going to finish:

The Riddle Of Roman Catholicism By Jaroslav Pelikan
Traveling Mercies By Anne Lamott
The Screwtape Letters By C.S. Lewis
No Man Is An Island By Thomas Merton
Aesops Fables By Not Aesop because he is a made up person.

Oh no, Timothy Hay. Please no more Timothy Hay.

2009-07-05T22:24:00.002-05:00

So in the last 10 days I've had a lot happen.

I got swine flu. Didn't realize it until the staff member who had the same symptoms passed out and quit breathing in Chipotle.

I survived Swine Flu.

I got Pneumonia.

I survived Pneumonia (With meds).

I became a huge fan of "30 Rock" while surviving the stated sicknesses.

I cried many different kinds of cries and hugged many different kinds of hugs (In all honesty, this is probably what gave the swine flu I had to 3 other staff).

I've done a lot more . . . but thats enough to tell about for 10 days, right?

2500 miles (driving) and counting so far this summer.

And I'm in Love.

The Fox, The Crow, and The Cookie

2009-06-25T13:20:00.002-05:00

Ok, I don't post media too often . . . I try to only do it when its worth it.

Amongst so many other things I have to say and share . . .

This is worth it.

Our Darkest Nights Are Days To You

2009-06-10T14:03:00.002-05:00

The more I travel, the more I believe it . . . places have spirits. This spirit does not come from the collective spirits of the people as much as it comes from the land.

I have now been to the three communities that I'll be at for the summer. Here is their spirit.

Warrensburg, New York (Inside the Adirondack Mountain National Park):

Depressing. There is no two ways about it. I can't put a finger on it other than to say that the two times I've been there I have been literally depressed the whole time. Its a dark place for me.

Calais, Maine

Lonely and Beautiful. I'm here right now and I literally feel like I'm on the edge of the world . . . which isn't too far off. This morning I stood on the absolute most East part of the United States, debating whether or not to peel off and hold the giant star fish attached to the peer (I didn't). The sun rises here at 4:00am. Despite being in a town of 3,500, it feels incredibly lonely here. I drove here from Rutland, VT, and it was by far the most beautiful drive I've ever taken (Through the Green AND White Mountains). But I felt like I was driving to nowhere. The last hour and a half were on HIGHWAY 1 for goodness sake. This place is exactly like I imagined it. Tons of Trees. Hills and mountains. Isolated.

I saw a moose. Just one. 9 hours of driving and he was completely, randomly by the side of the road. To be honest, he looked like the dopiest animal I've ever seen.

This has been an ok place to visit, but after this summer, I don't ever want to come back. Never have I felt so out of touch. I think sometimes the isolation of certain places is portrayed as peaceful and still; ultimately romanticized. All I've had since I've been here is loneliness and anxiousness. However, standing on the pier of the most Eastern part of the United States was awesome, something I'll never forget. From this port, I'll get to see more starfish and also get to go whale watching from a sail boat.

Rutland, Vermont

Spiritual and Authentic. Tucked right in the green mountains, I immediately knew I could live here, even when the city was still at a distance. Right around 50,000 people. Beautiful.

Its a very spiritual place and you can feel it. New Age, Occult and Cult practices are common and apparent here. Its best described as a sister city to to Manitou Spring, CO. And just like Manitou Springs, it is also a home to the 12 Tribes Cult. I had a run in with this cult in Manitou Springs, CO that led to an almost 3 hour conversation and ended with me giving back the tea I purchased, one of my friends crying and me trying to convince them to cast out the demon in me that they kept claiming was deceiving me. I could write a whole post on them, I actually know a lot about them from the research I've done after that conversation. They own a cafe downtown Rutland. When I get a free day, I'm excited to go there and have another discussion with them.

People here are original and unique, but there is not a hint of pretentiousness. No one here is trying to be eccentric, they just are. No one is trying to fit an image or impress anyone, Hence, authentic. The mountains are full of hippies as well. Real hippies. The kind that have fled society to go the mountains and live close to the earth.

While the people here definitely contribute to the "Spirit" of the town, I would still argue that people do not define the spirit of a place. One thing about mountain towns like this is that the land seems to draw in these kind of people.

-------------------------

So generally speaking, The Northeast is more beautiful than I imagined, but more lonely than I had guessed. I don't really like it. I know I'll come to enjoy my time here, but I don't see why I'd ever be back.

Mountains can be cold, dull, teeth.

2009-06-02T21:35:00.003-05:00

I'm currently in the Adirondack Mountain State Park in New York. A lot a could say about that.

But I really want to share about this episcopal priest I've met named Father Cornelius. Hes a cross between Jerry Garcia from the Grateful Dead and Peter Griffin from family guy . . . in looks and personality. He was also, truly, a former Anarchist.

Here are some of the quotes he shared today. Irreverent, Crude, Insightful:

"Yeah, they got this drink at the pub down the street that I call the "Bloody Jesus", because the next morning you feel like you've been crucified . . . by the way, I can go to the pub because I'm episcopalian."

"My friend and I were seminary grads and one day we found ourselves shoveling all sorts of shit in this guys basement for work. My friend turned to me and said, 'We're theologians, what are we doing here?' I said to him, 'Are you kidding me?!?! This IS what we do'"

"I've been a priest for about 20 years, and I'm about done. I'm depressed. I'm actually going to go to a clinic in town to see someone after I leave the priesthood. The church (In reference to Episcopalians) is messed up. God gave us history as a gift, but we've become pharisees. We've made it a God in and of itself. We jacked it up. Thats why I became a priest, at first I wanted nothing to do with Episcopalians because of what I saw, but then I decided I wanted to change things. But what I found out instead is that Episcopalians are human. So is everyone in every denomination. But now you've got these post-moderns that would start a church in the middle of a field if you'd let them. They see what I saw, but instead of wanting to make these things right, they want to completely change things. They want to do away with 2000 years of church history. Are they really smarter than people like Augustine? Saint Benedict? Do they really think they've discovered a better way of doing things? They aren't any smarter. The church does not progress the same way as something like technology does. The church doesn't become obsolete, theologians don't need to come up with new doctrines and theologies . . . goodness . . . all I know is that if you're going to change things you better be damned sure of what the hell you're doing."

--------------

I've had a lot of curiousity lately in more orthodox/liturgical/etc. types of faith. I'm not sure where I'm heading with it, but the last quote . . . and more of the conversation, were great things to put into the 'ol pot to stir around.

The potato called from underground, "You've got it all turned upside down"

2009-05-23T23:13:00.003-05:00

I'm in Philadelphia right now. I love it. I want to see so much more of the city.

Tonight we followed Google Maps to the nearest Wal-Mart. It led is directly into the ghetto instead.

Houses were side by side

by side by side.

Everything was so compact.

People were EVERYWHERE. On their porches, in their yard, walking. At one point, we literally drove through a group of 50 people, as they parted, all standing on the corner and the middle of the street.

Just hangin' out.

That was community. I absolutely loved seeing that. People outside and everywhere instead of inside and nowhere.

I absolutely hate suburbs and mowed lawns . . . thats what I learned.

We stopped at a gas station that, I kid you not, had 4 police cars and 2 police bicycles.

Just hangin' out.

But a different kind of community . . .

Inside a guy from the neighborhood and the middle eastern gas station clerk laughed as we showed them where google maps took us.

"Man, that sheet of paper played a cruel joke on you, it led you right to the ghetto" said one guy.

"No Wal-Mart around here" said the clerk.

Surprisingly, they took a whole 10 minutes (While the line backed up) doing everything they could to give us directions to the nearest Wal-Mart. They were in no hurry. Neither was anyone else. They explained and explained and explained.

I loved that too.

I probably don't even need to write anything else

2009-05-16T15:59:00.003-05:00

The world of bumper stickers is an interesting one.

How you can tell so much about someone from what there bumper says.

Like this one that I saw today:

Now normally I just cringe and make fun of it to the person(s) I'm in the car with, or think about the innate cheesyness of all bumper stickers to myself if I'm the only one in the car.

However, this one just left me stunned.

To think, this young man had to see this bumper sticker, like it enough to buy it and then go through the process of applying it without it ever dawning on him that it was incredibly lame (and ignorant in my opinion). That is unreal. I also am curious as to which 30 states McCain supporters don't think deserve a star on the flag.

Anyway, In case youre interested in a T-shirt and Coffee Mug, these products are apparently still in demand. But hey, I don't see a year, so maybe McCain in 2012?

In case you were wondering, yes this was on a giant ford F350 Triton XLT with huge wheels and a driver with a his hat backwards and a cut off sleeveless T-shirt.

2009-05-11T19:23:00.002-05:00

I got a walnut brownie brain
And molasses in my veins,
Crushed graham cracker crust,
My powdered sugared funnel cake cocaine.
Let the crescent cookie rise,
These carob colored almond eyes,
Would rest to see my cashewed princess,
In the swirling marble sky.
Will rest upon the knee,
Where all of the visions cease to be,
A root-beer float,
In our banana boat,
Across the tapioca sea,
When letting all attachments go,
Is the only prayer we know,
May it be so,
May it be so,
May it be so,
Oh.

Easter Sunday

2009-05-08T14:51:00.001-05:00

Whoops, this has been awhile, but . . .

--------------------------------------------------

On this holy Sunday night I arrive to a home
that feels emptier than the grave of my
savior. I sit and look around.
I think of all my plans.
I stare--
But how little I have to do now.

It’s rainy today. At least it isn’t snow.
It always “could have been snow”.
“February was a warmer month than usual”,
I think out loud as
I shiver in my skin.
I look around.
“It could always have been snow”, I think
sheepishly to myself.

Jesus left the tomb for paradise today,
and a thief went with him.
But I still wonder where I came from?
And why did I go?
But I always ask that question.
And silent walls never answer, no
matter their color.

2009-04-30T13:16:00.003-05:00

I am not usually a quote person. I typically find them overly romanticized.

I do however love this one. Couldn't find the Author.

"I screamed at God for all the starving children, and then I realized that all of the starving children were God screaming at me."

I found this after pondering God. Not theology. Not Jesus.

God.

He?

She?

Everything Good?

Love?

The order of nature?

Black matter?

Tangible entity?

Absolutely Everything?

This is by far my favorite mystery.

The French Milky Way

2009-04-28T11:54:00.000-05:00

It was a still and collected night the first time
I saw the Milky Way Galaxy.
With many Germans, an American and a Polish,
we stood in the French countryside sipping wine
that very well could have come from these hills.

“Look” said Adam. I did and I saw
the faint mist.
A long strip, the opening of escape from our galaxy.
I thought,
“Oh My God, hes lost his marbles.”

“Look” said a German. I did and I saw
a giant crack in the sky with a green hue.
Like poison lips about to kiss.
I thought,
“Oh my God, a mouth that size doesn’t caress, it consumes.”

“Look” said a pointing finger. I did and I saw
a forgotten road.
Still with ruts from wagons and children.
I thought,
“Oh my God, this road can still be used!”

“Look” said creation. I did and I saw
a cut in its flesh.
Stars scattered like specks of blood from the wound.
I thought,
“Oh my God, let me out.”

2009-04-27T23:19:00.001-05:00

To be honest though, I don't quite understand why this waterboarding thing is getting so much attention. So we can kill but not torture? Whats the difference? After all, when we kill, we torture the innocent . . . the family of those we kill. Lets just stop all of it.

Konza Prairie Rain

2009-04-27T02:14:00.001-05:00

First one here.

-Konza Prairie Rain-

In the Kansas spring, clouds
conspire and pour their life
out on the Konza Prairie:

Covenants are formed where
light and water meet; arcs
in color--
Sweet scent of damp earth
rises, past dead and
dying creatures, Alive.
Dirt becomes mud, giving
sight to a world, reconciled.

Mice, deer, bugs
Bluestem, Indian, Switch
grass--
You. Me.
Dying embers from
recent fire-- The rain falls
impartial
on all creation--
Clouds return white.

The last drops
fall--
bend the tall grass
back--

Father. Son. Holy Ghost.

He holds without hands and speaks without sounds

2009-04-27T01:18:00.002-05:00

Today I took the strengths finder test at Radinas. I was warned repeatedly that the code is good for only ONE time. This, coupled with with the fact that I only got 20 seconds to answer each question had me a little nervous in doing it in such a busy, public place.

So imagine the curses I thought in hindsight after the storm outside began to quickly and dramatically send its water through the poorly sealed crack at the top of the window I was by.

All over me.

All over my computer.

All over my cookie.

Yeah, I think a good 10 questions timed out.

When I got my results, "Adaptability" was number 3. I read the description in the book, and I almost completely disagree. But in light of the fiasco, i couldn't agree more.

Good night and good luck.

We stand completely still.

2009-04-25T00:18:00.005-05:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/04/23/bullying.suicide/index.htmll

Oh God, oh God.

According to the news, satan always wins.

Jesus why don't you just come back now? What's the hold up?

Where are you God?

In me?

You did disappoint me, but not completely . . .

2009-04-19T21:18:00.001-05:00

Come now David where's Uriah gone?
stranded on the battlefield,
the troops withdrawn
Come now David, where's Uriah gone?
his time came to go

Come now David, where's Bathsheba gone?
and where've your binoculars and rooftop gone?
the unexpected baby from the bad night gone?
their time came to go

come now david, where's everybody goin'?
come now david, where's everybody goin'?
come now david, where's everybody goin'?
come now david, where's everybody goin'?

-MWY

For all you girls

2009-04-16T10:29:00.004-05:00

So here it is girls, the question that has been burning in my mind for some time now . . .

Whats with the correlation between age and hair length?

In my observation, the older a girl gets, the shorter her hair gets. This reaches its climax when a woman is in her mid 40's and her hair is cut down (But styled) to the lengh of the average Males.

Now hear me out. I absolutely think that some girls look great with short hair. I think of my friend Liz whose hair I like just as much short as I do long.

This is primarily directed at, even though I know I probably don't have many reading this, middle aged-women.

Why oh why does the hair become SO short?

I've wondered this for so long, but finally knew I HAD to write about it as I sat in church on Easter Sunday, realizing that about 95% of the women over 40 had hair my length.

Now, this is not directed toward the elderly woman who has thinning hair, that I understand.

But why girls???? Why is this where everyone ends up by middle age? Is the fact that its "easier" really the reason?

I'm going to make this statement on behalf of every guy I've discussed this with:

In general, guys like girls hair longer. See how I worded that? Not that guys like girls with longer hair, but guys like any girls hair longer.

Once again, this is NOT to say that girls can't look good with short hair.

But personally, I think its beautiful when I meet a woman in her 60's that has long, grey hair.

So why girls? Must the hair be Chopped? What did it ever do to you? Give me reasons to soothe this burning question.

Pt. 2 God is in a computer chip

2009-04-12T21:36:00.002-05:00

***For all you google readers, I accidently published the last one before I was done.***

As a major part of my life, and especially as of recent, Doubt is something I've thought a lot about. For what it's worth, here is the role it plays in my life. This is what doubt is to me, not necessarily everyone, and it speaks in regards to my relationship with God.

When my preconceived idea of God is expanded so much beyond what I've contrived, Doubt is what feels in the Gaps.

Now I think we can all agree that God is much bigger than we think.

But I think their is specific moments in life where its far more than just "Knowing" this truth, but actually (for lack of better words) feeling it in our spirit. It's as if our spiritual eyes are opened, not to the entirety of God, but to the entirety that we're wrong about God.

And this expansion of awareness is not a confirmation of what we thought we knew, but in this light, we not only see how little we know, but we see the vast amount we don't know about God and it causes us to question what little we thought we did know about God.

And Doubt Pours In. Doubt becomes a sealant between all things.

When you ask an objective question, an answer will only give you more objective questions and thus begins a spiderweb. In regards to truth Einstein wrote,

"At any given moment out of all conceivable constructions, a single one has always proved itself absolutely superior to the rest."

At any given moment.

Could objective truth be a function of time? Could the truth I hold just be temporarily truer than anything else I happen to know at the time?

The more you ask, the further you get from the truth.

The more you look, the more you see and the more questions you have.

When you try to objectively know God, the bigger he becomes and the less you know him.

Because our relationship with God is not objective.

I believe in absolute truth, but I think the problem I have is wanting to know absolute truth.

So what happens is we try to know absolute truth for what it is, but we only get more questions which takes us further from the truth. Then when we have created a sprawling void between us and this truth, the only thing that can fill it is doubt.

God wants us to believe, not to know.

We're to have Faith. We're to believe. Whenever I have tried to replace faith with knowledge, I have been humbled.

I'm by NO means saying that we shouldn't seek God or to learn or to ask questions or anything like that.

I just don't believe we should approach God in an objective way, as if he is a text book to learn.

Unfortunately, that is what I do, and then I almost die with doubt and then I write long blog posts. So don't do that. Any of it.

Just have faith, because faith is easy, right? :-)

PEACE.

This is not part 2, because the stone is still being chiseled.

2009-04-11T00:10:00.003-05:00

Everyone
Is God speaking.
Why not be polite and
Listen to
Him?

-Hafiz

Pt. 1: You be the hammer and I'll be the chisel . . and I'll also be the stone

2009-04-08T00:59:00.003-05:00

I spent 2.5 hours writing this post from several different ways, but ended up deleting all of them. I couldn't figure out how to do it without sounding whiny or without someone putting me on suidcide watch. And that would just be devestating to my image.

Just read this.

I feel broken, critical, depressed and doubtful most of the time. But I think thats ok. Blessed are the poor in spirit, right?

The Birth of Flight

2009-04-06T00:55:00.003-05:00

I.

As I join a mostly empty flight, I abandon my assigned seat for one five rows up by the window. The man next to me, across 4 empty spots and an aisle, sits against the opposite window. A tube sneaks from an overhead bin and follows, taped, the roof of the plane, down to a mask attached to his face. Aged, tired, sick; he inhales from it what I inhale naturally. He wheezes as I notice that we sit, exactly mirrored. Our bodies at the same angle. Legs crossed. Pillow propped. Eyes connecting.

He wheezes again. I think to myself: this poor man cannot see how much we have in common.

II.

Oh my God, this birth
has undone me. The labor has left
me with empty hands and
I’ve also gone blind.
I sit here and feel that this was a
miscarriage; my pain is more real
than the God I try to follow.
but, I hope –
that my empty hands can slowly
roll open from these fists
and bear what was born-

The bird that plucked the Olive Leaf has been circling like a record around the spindle of my mind where the needle's worn the grooves too deep

2009-03-28T23:51:00.002-05:00

I have now spent over 3 hours today writing blog posts.

But now all I have is this.

This black hole seems be sucking everything up.

The harder the rain, the lower the flowers bend

2009-03-27T23:18:00.012-05:00

Blogs are still strange to me. Sharing emotions publicly in this manner seem to be the bad kind of naked. But perhaps sometimes we can't help undress; being asked at work by our managers if we're, "ok", which is a question that I believe solves itself.

I learn that emotion intertwines with spirit much more than is safe.

But yes, I am, "Ok", I just wish that customers would quit talking to me.

Did you know the word "Okay" (Abbreviated "O.K.") is the most known word in the world? Although the words, "Jeep" and "Coca-Cola" have made that claim as well (Perhaps the most known name in the world?).

This picture about sums up France ("About" meaning that Luke and Jeff are not in it):

Another thing about emotions is that they attach so strongly to something outside of oneself, thus making us lust after control. The ability to manipulate ones situations to either pro-long or end a given state awakens this.

Today, unrelated to all this talk about emotion, I found myself giggling about a time that I used the word "Sabbatical" to describe to a bunch of middle-schoolers why their favorite activity hadn't happened the day before.

Yeah, if giggling about that seems random and weird, you're exactly right, none the less, I giggled for about 10 minutes.

Just now I recovered from watching my computer shut off as my battery reached 0%. Strangely, while I knew this would happen, I never intended to stop it. And as I plugged it back in and booted it up to finish this post, it seemed to speak to me in some strange way.

Let us die! Let us die! Then dying, we replied . . .

2009-03-26T10:44:00.003-05:00

I don't want even try to convey the 10 days I spent in France, so I won't. It was awesome, but what else could it have been, right?

It's coming back that I'm most inerested in. Like this Polish man I met said, "The real pilgrimage is the journey and arrival back".

So, now I sit here selling the very thing I was so pleased to do without on this trip, cell phones. I sit and listen to our daily conference call and swear that if I hear one more inspirational quote applied to selling more accessories to customers, I am going to throw up all over this keyboard.

More than a simple life, I crave a simple spirit. I hope a simple life is birthed from a simple spirit.

I've come back with so many more questions than I left with.

And so many questions do not birth a simple spirit, do not birth a simple life. But I pray that they lead there.

I'm a little dizzy and my arms feel week as I type. Such is the toll of so many things in life changing. So many transitions occuring. And I can't help but feel that transitions never complete and I get stuck in purgatory.

That signals get crossed and I can't process. Dust never seems to settle to see what I've even done. So in the cloud, I learn to breathe through a moist cloth, not sure if this is a storm I am facing or a response to all the dust I've kicked up.

What a strange pilgrimage.

Angel no, I think you've come too soon, it's not my time to go.

2009-03-10T00:00:00.002-05:00

So, next year in Kansas City has pretty much consumed my thoughts.

Living in the inner city, in the "Murder Factory". Crazy stuff.

This last weekend we met with Jake from the Hope Center. He said something, a casual comment not meant to be made into a bullet point, but none the less, something that really caught my attention. When talking about poverty in the inner city and people sitting around and collecting Welfare checks, he said that, "When the church doesn't step in, the government has to."

This angered me so much. Should we ever have to hear those words?

When the church doesn't step up, then the government has to.

Wow, this just set a fire in my heart. Mainly because I think hes exactly right. Unfortunately we're faced with a country full of Christians that live there pampered lives, vote for a person who will take care of social concerns, and proceed to live there comfortable, safe lives.

But WE are the church. Heaven forbid a secular institution need to pick up our slack.

I really just want to cuss right now. At Christians. At myself.

I blame God, he seems to call just about every Christian I know to a 9-5 job, life in the suburbs, big screen TV, diversified portfolio, and an early retirement.

God, quit calling people to such a comfortable life.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I also discovered the idea of the two kinds of sacrifices this weekend.

The first is the thing that you give up, and its hard, but you feel so good about yourself for giving it up that it about equals out. It's something that is a frill of life, far from a necessity. This sacrifice is primarily trendy, completely manageable, and always has an escape plan. I think the better word for it is "purged" rather than "Sacrificed" from your life.

The second kind of sacrifice is never something we want to do or give. It's either forced upon us, meaning that it is out of our control, or it presents us a choice, but the only real option is sacrifice. It's the killing off of something in us that is so important to us that we fight for it, but in reality, it has become an idol. And the death of it is very painful. Its the kind of sacrifice where after the fact, the only option we have is to rely on God. To trust in God. To hope in God. To believe in the goodness of God. It leaves us completely wrecked and completely needy. That is true sacrifice. This sacrifice always involves death.

So far I'm prepared for the former kind of sacrifice next year. But now I see the reality and inevitability of the the latter kind of sacrifice.

I'm not half as bad as God is good.

2009-02-24T21:40:00.002-06:00

oh Lord oh Lord
we confess-
you came to set your flame-
to have it left in our hearts-
but it was misplaced,
on a candle before us.
and now we watch-
wax dripping through the
gaps of our fingers.

We gasp and fold
as the the flame
collapses down the wick;
expecting a scald as it
gives-up the ghost.

This is in response to a vision I received today of a man holding a candle, as the wax drips through his fingers. It was set with a hopelessness that, while the man currently has the flame of God, he can only think of it as temporary and how its going to burn as it leaves. Past wound of abandonment? All I know was that it wasn’t for anyone in the room.

She wore that smile on her face, like a bandage on a wounded place

2009-02-19T11:46:00.002-06:00

I've had a curious thing I've taken note of over the years. I've found that people, random people, open up to me more than I would ever expect. I do feel that God, "Highlights" people to me, and when I'm obedient, I start up converstaion with these people. It's always been better than good.

But, what I'm talking about are people I have no intention of going deeper with, who have all intention of going deeper with me. Not deeper to the cheerful things in life, but to their current pains.

Multiple times this has happened with cashiers at grocery stores. I ask them how its going, and am almost embarassed at the brutally honest answer they give me back. Random people in elevators, customers, coffee shops, classes, etc.

Today I heard these lines from a mewithoutYou song:

Not one motion of her gesture could I forget
The prettiest bag lady I ever met
Pushing her cart in the rain
Then gathering plastic and glass
She watched the day pass
Not hour by hour
But pain by pain
If I was a basket filled with holes
Then she was the sand I tried to hold
And ran out behind me
As I swung with some invisible hands

It left me to think, so many people do pass their day "pain by pain", no wonder they so openly talk in these terms to strangers. When pain is the marker of your day, it would make sense that its inner resevoir from which you speak.

Now I don't pretend that any sort of aura about me draws this honesty out of a stranger . . . but maybe so (that aura being Jesus)? I would venture to say that most of us have these experiences?

One thing I know is that God desires to make these more than just conversations to "Note", but when this darkness is exposed, I am to respond with light however that might look in a given situation.

Today I failed.

Gods funny, he'll answer prayers. Last night I spent time in prayer, begging the Lord to "re-ignite" my prophetic gifting. Why it needs "re-ignited" is not of importantance, what is of importance, is that he did re-ignite it, and I failed to use it accordingly this morning while at work. Heh.

A soldier came into the store I’m working at in Junction City, who is retiring from the military due to a war inflicted injury. While he is excited to be done and move back home to be with his family, he made it clear that the internal bleeding he is currently experiencing will be the end of either his life or his finances if the military does not pay for his medical bills. Right now, he is in a battle with them to do so. In that instant, the best way I can put it, is that God told me to pray for him to be healed.

Now, I believe God heals, and I've even prayed for God to heal individuals. But in this instance, God spoke to me in a way I haven't heard in almost a year and it made it clear as to what I was to do.

I was to pray for this man’s healing.

But I did not.

The lie that took over was that I was in a place of business and was on the clock and I bought it without hesitation. I folded to this, as if I was "on the clock" with Alltel, and "Off the clock" with God.

So, there I stood, just me, him and God. Him confessing his pain and fear and God wanting to heal that and me only being able to respond, "Well, best of luck" as he was then queued to leave.

Best of Luck? Luck? Yeah, I suppose luck is his best shot when God speaks to the disobedient.

I have no doubt he would have been healed.

So, now I'm left completely broken by this.

All I can do is pray for forgiveness, and ask that even though nothing would indicate that the customer is going to be coming back, that he would come back.

I pray that he comes back and this time meets God through an obedient servant.

Soda Fountain Murder

2009-02-16T14:41:00.002-06:00

Today, I'm working at our Junction City Alltel store that does not have a bathroom. So when I work here and have to go to the bathroom, I head to the close by gas station. I have also made it a habit to buy a fountain drink, in which the cup may or may not be used again later in the back room as an alternative to the gas station facilities. . . deal with it.

Anyway, I had a VERY interesting exchange at the soda fountain with a person I can only describe as a big, burly, black man.

I first took notice of him because he had brought in his own mug to fill up that could hold a small lake. Now I've seen big mugs before, but this thing was a titan. SO big, that he actually had to remove the bottom part of the soda fountain to get it under the ice dispencer.

Me: Whoa, that is quite the mug you got there.

BBB: Yeah, Her her her. (He laughed the same way he would say "Her" over and over again).

Me: How big is that thing anyway?

BBB: A gallon and a half. Days worth of water.

Me: Well, better to drink that much water than pop! You can see that I'm not follwoing your lead (As I fill up my 44oz dwarf cup with Dr. Pepper).

BBB (mumbles): My Doctor told me I couldn't have pop anymore or else I'd die. BUT THEN HES THE ONE THAT DIED A WEEK AFTER THAT, HHHHEERRR HER HER HER HER HER HER HEEERRRR HER HERR.

At this point, I stared at him blankly, proceeded to put a lid on my cup and leave as quick as I can.

Now mind you, the way he said it leads me to believe his doctor actually did die a week after his appointment. While he could have been trying to make a "Joke" that he killed his doctor after he was told he couldn't drink pop, thats not how it came across. It came across as him finding it hilarious that his doctor died a week after his appointment after telling him that HE'D die if he kept drinking pop.

Maybe I don't appreciate Irony as much as this fella.

Junction City is a weird, weird place.

2009-02-15T16:56:00.000-06:00

Don't know why I'm posting this.

2009-02-10T01:33:00.005-06:00

So, a couple of weeks ago I got the chance to go see the OKC Thunder NBA team play a basketball game. I thoroughly enjoyed the game, except for this little stunt at half-time.

Now let me say a few things. DON'T watch this video if you're easily traumatized. My mom was crying after this happened.

A few other things. This magician came out, building this trick up to be amazing because it was the first time that it was being done in full view . . . and thank God it was. Also, while the video is only 1:31, she was under water for 4 FREAKIN MINUTES. This video does not do the horror of this event justice. What you can't see, but we could see on the jumbo-tron was that she was turning the darkest color of blue I have ever seen someone turn. And after she was revived, they zoomed in on her again on the jumbo-tron and she had thrown up all over herself.

This was probably the worst thing I've ever seen. My heart was racing, because I was pretty sure I had just seen someone drown. People in the crowd were yelling, "Let her out, Let her out!" about 1 minutes before they actually did, because she was clearly struggling. Actually being there, and watching the whole thing unfold without knowing what was happening or going to happen was the most scared I've ever been for someone.

Link: http://thunder.fandome.com/video/109032/Magician-Nearly-Drowns-In-Half-Time-Stunt/?q=c

It blows my mind, they had absolutely NO medical people on standby. And the locks on the outside? How was she supposed to get out if it was locked from the outside? Why did she HAVE to get that last hand-cuff off (She tried it 3 different times and went on to the other locks because she couldn't get that one off)?

Ugh, horrible

Bird

2009-02-07T13:58:00.001-06:00

It’s all crazy! It’s all false! It’s all a dream! It’s alright.

2009-02-06T02:56:00.003-06:00

Well, there it is. The Title of the new mewithoutYou CD coming out. The Title is an adaptation of an exerpt from "The Golden Words of a Sufi Sheikh" by Bawa Muhaiyaddeen.

While not thrilled by the title, I am by the artwork:

Then I heard the lyrics, the best part about mewithoutyou, being described as about anthropomorphic food and animals and was immediately skeptical.

But THEN I found this really obscure website where someone gave the leaked track listing (Which I won't post, mainly because I can't find it again) and immediately became super pumped again because, although strange, they sound like only songs mewithoutYou can pull off.

Here an upcoming new song by them that I heard live. This video won't do it justice, but here it is!

That dog is slobbery

2009-02-02T00:39:00.002-06:00

The title of this post came from a dog on a TV commercial I was watching as I was trying to come up with a title. Thats all.

David Bazan is coming out with a new CD soon and I am pumped, even though he is one of the most depressing people I've ever known of. I got the luxury of seeing him live at the bottleneck awhile back and I loved it. I accidently backed into him at the bar before his show . . . it was great. He is also looking for places to play house shows on his next tour. I really want to host one but have a severe lack of room to host him. If anyone knows of a good place with a big room or back yard to host him, LETS CHAT. But he gets to stay at my house.

However, my FAVORITE band has done a very very poor job of giving details about their new CD. I have literally checked their myspace almost every day since August and only recently have they put up info about their new Album, which still gives little information other than "Almost done"

In case you haven't got enough videos for the day (or night (Or whatever other state of day you inhabit)) then, here is another one that is quite longer but I HIGHLY recommend. Speaks a lot of reconciliation, hope, healing and humility.

This post is also an official goodbye to my friends B & B . . . how I will miss you so.

Black and White Sunrise

2009-01-30T16:17:00.003-06:00

So, a couple of things.

I wrote this the other day and really like it, but it in no way reflects my current disposition. These last couple of months have been some of the best ever, so why such a hopeless, sad poem came sneaking out the other day, I cannot tell-

Secondly, the first two sections were natural, the third was forced enough to make me not even want to put it in. But I am anyway. Eh.

i.

I sit in this bistro,
looking at the microwave,
looking at my dark, bitter coffee that has lost its warmth.
I swirl the grounds that gave the filter the slip
and are now settling at the bottom of my cup.
They awake, dance in a circle, and return
as a blanket to the bottom.

I look at the microwave--

Refusing artificial deliverance,
I cringe and swallow what the cup has to offer.
I continue to sit;

thinking of life and
large cups of coffee:

Unable to finish before growing cold.

ii.

Somewhere in the universe
a star cools and buckles
in gravitational collapse.
Supernova
Many years
Black hole
And no light can escape--

iii.

The sun rises with
no color to tell. In
the same way, I feel
in these same shades
of grey. The world
illuminates in this
colorless spectrum
and I reflect: Even
on days where the
sun doesn’t rise in
black and white, it
always sets to the
former.

EVERYONE . . .

2009-01-28T00:23:00.002-06:00

READ THIS BLOG (Or perhaps watch).

It is done by a beautiful young lady that you might just get a chance to see if you watch . . . but not TOO good of a chance to see if you're a creepy person reading my blog and are now going to start watching her blog because I just linked it.

I thought this was interesting . . .

2009-01-26T23:51:00.002-06:00

Oh Craig

2009-01-25T17:15:00.001-06:00

This is hilarious.

Strange

2009-01-24T18:07:00.003-06:00

It's been awhile and still all I have is random.

I built a brand new bike a couple of months ago. I realize now that I loved building it more than I do riding it. Thats not to say that I don't enjoy riding it, I really really love to ride it, I'm just not Hard-Core. This weather and my lack of riding in it proves that. I don't know why I'm saying this.

I can easily get obsessed with things. When I discover a food or drink item I love, I can easily consume it every single day for weeks at a time. Or, when I find a video game I like, no matter how stupid and simple it is, I can get hooked and play it for hours. Recently it's been Settlers of Catan. Despite getting to play several times since getting it, It's still far less than I really want to play. I would play every day If I could round up the people to do so. Mainly I don't because I don't want to sound obsessed by asking people every day. Eh, whatever.

So there is this curious thing that we see a lot at work. The only handicap places in our whole parking lot are right in front of our store. About 90% of the people that ever park in one of these spots, end up walking 3-5 times farther to the store that they want to go to than if they just parked in a normal spot right in front of that store. About 97% of this 90% have no visible handicap that would even require the extra space next to the handicap spot. Today, not a single car was in the whole lot, yet I watched a lady pull into a handicap spot, put up her wheelchair tag, and then get out and walk by all the empty space to the other side of the building unit. I don't get this at all. Someone please explain this.

Stained Glass Savior

2009-01-06T14:32:00.003-06:00

Gah, I've wanted to write lately - poems or something meaningful. I've had nothing to pour out though and I hate that.

I got Settlers of Catan for Christmas and the expansion pack. I played it 3 nights in a row. I love board games. More then anything, I love the friends that come to play the board games, even if they block my 2-1 wheat port. Haha, I love strategy games, but I also hate them because usually the other persons strategy is to beat the other people playing (Which includes me) and they make moves, good moves, in order to do that and accomplish their task.

So, right now I'm working at our Junction City store for Alltel. Its a fairly rough place and in a bad area. I work by myself, and help take some shifts for a girl who usually works 60 hours a week here by herself. The other night 3 drunk guys came in and were causing trouble. I had to kick one guy out because he thought it was a good idea to light up a cigarette in the store. Of the other two, one kept getting in my face and poking me. I didn't feel nervous about this until, in my irritation, I made a sarcastic comment and I thought he was going to punch me. I did find myself, not praying for safety, but sincerely praying for them during the whole ordeal - because seriously, sarcasm or calling the cops will do nothing for them spiritually speaking. I was calm most of it, despite the hostility and its amazing what being calm but firm during hostility can do. Trust me, I could write a whole long post on the ridiculousness of our conversation with these drunk guys, but I'm done with that. The whole ordeal ended with them leaving and me realizing that while the one guy was all in my face, the other one stole a very small piece of equipment that was worthless to him, but costs us $220.

Today has been another "Fun" day. Because Alltel is officially being bought by Verizon on Friday, ALL of Alltels systems are down until Friday. So basically I'm getting paid to sit here and tell people I can't help them. So far, people don't believe me and want me to help them anyway. When I insist that I can't help them and explain the situation and how no Alltel in THE WHOLE COUNTRY can help them today, they ask when Lacey (The ONLY other employee here, and the one that is usually here) will be back (Implying that I just don't know what I'm doing).

I'm pretty apathetic today. I'm not even irriated by this, I'm just whatever.

I do have the most wonderful girlfriend in the world though. Shes beautiful and awesome and creative and I love her a lot. Shes going to Greenland in May. That is both awesome and sad, but I'm going to go visit her in Denmark Next January. And thats awesome.

Heres a vest she got me for Christmas that I really Like:

G'day

Tah-Dah!

2009-01-03T11:06:00.005-06:00

I want to start off by saying, Tah-Dah is one of the toughest hyphenated words to know how to spell. It is also one of the toughest hyphenated words to look up the spelling for.

Below you will find my recent transformation. Forgive the stoned countenance that I have. The picture of me with long hair is the best one I have, and it unfortunately was with me wearing that expression. For comparing reasons, I had to reproduce that face with my new hair (Or lack of). I also for some reason have completely different skin tones, only supporting the "stoned look" idea.

This is not a permanent look-

It shall grow again. There is something purging about buzzing your head, I know this despite this only being my second time.

The first time, was at Nicks house and Tom, in his attempt, managed to to give me a somewhat small bald spot right in the back of my head.

Not so purging-

But symbolic still, I suppose.

But yes, purging. Not that I'm purging my life of anything, so I suppose maybe "releasing" is a better word. But I'm not "releasing" anything either, so I digress-

Sometimes its just good to change and start over.

This blog should have been much shorter.

Mugged the Mugger

2008-12-31T00:20:00.003-06:00

So many of you have already seen this story by now. It's an older one, but still an amazing one.

People focus so much on the "Victim" in the story who is really a hero.

But I want to focus on the Mugger.

Who knows his story, or how he got there.

But you better believe he has some skeletons and that its taken a lot to push him to holding up people with a knife. Not only does it take a criminal bent, but the benefit-risk ratio obviously says that he doesn't have a lot to lose if he does lose . . . and gets caught.

But read the story. See how easily this kid melted when he was treated how he "Shouldn't" have been by his victim?

This says a lot. Whenever someone wrongs us, its natural to want to wrong them back. When someone insults us, we insult them back. When someone hits us, we hit them back. When someone mistreats us, we mistreat them. And the worst part is, is that these reactions are socially acceptable, even for Christians.

We're all about Justice. And nothing about Mercy.

I speak in absolutes, when I don't mean absolutes.

But all I can hear is people doing whatever they can to have justice against those who hurt them.

Or my dad telling me when I was growing up in Grade School, "If anyone ever hits you, you beat the snot out of them and don't worry about getting in trouble".

Or someone who is mad at someone and says something hurtful so that person then, to save face, says something hurtful back even if it isn't relevant.

Or the news telling me about someone who bombed someone and so someone bombed them even though someone didn't think this was right and now a lot of someones are upset, but even more someones are dead and no one really sees its not solving anything.

Yeah, all hear is about stuff like that and very little of things like in the story.

Vengeance seems to be our worlds therapy.

But I want this.

Because-

you see, vengeance is my therapy as well. Proof Right Here.

You see, publicly sharing stories of customers in a way to make them look inept is a great way to strike back at them in a "Christian" way (that being, treat them somewhat nice to their face, but not mean it in my heart). If "vengeance" may seem an overstatement, knowing my heart, I can assure you its not.

I confess.

I want to love ESPECIALLY those who don't deserve it. Because thats what the guy in the story did. Thats what Jesus did.

Imparted love, not required it.

Fred Phelps, The One And Only.

2008-12-28T00:17:00.004-06:00

So this might be interesting.

So the Phelps say they actually LOVE people (Forgive me for not linking the video about this, youtube isn't working for me at the moment).

After all, their signs say "God Hates Fags/soldiers/etc" and Never that THEY hate these people.

However, they preach Hate and do all these horrible horrible things that we discuss with each other, BECAUSE they love.

Now stick with me, I'm not claiming what they do is right, just very interesting.

They do and say all these horrible things because they believe that its how God is and because of their true, intense love for people, it is their duty to warn them of impeding damnation. Most Christians are incredibly lukewarm to them because we fail to preach the gravity of sin and the truth of Gods judgement.

Now here is why its so interesting. I don't think their method or theology is right. However, I feel they have an interesting point. If we as Christians believe in the Bible and if we Christians are to Love our neighbors, how could we NOT be broken by all the sin around us? About all the lost souls? Where is our urgency? I know this empathy seems to be a cliche epiphonay to people a lot, but methods and theology aside, could it be that we actually have something to learn from Westboro Baptist church? In the midst of all the stuff that we can condemn them for, could they have a lesson for us? About love? I think maybe so. Not in the "Lets go to their Sunday school" way but in the "Hey look at what they're doing, they're totally jacking it up, but look at what they're trying to do" way.

Yes, the kind of love that unplugs the Ipod from our ears and allows us to hear the pain of the world, that summons us away from our computers to bring the chain-breaking words of life to people. At the cost of our image. At the cost of our comfort zones. At the cost of good favor. At the cost of ourselves.

I strongly encourage you to follow this link and read the FAQ. Its interesting. And, while no matter how many disclaimers one can put in a post SOMEONE always misunderstands, I must say again, I in no way condone what the Westboro Baptist church does.

Alltel Car Charger

2008-12-27T16:18:00.002-06:00

3 sisters enter the store. I'm going to guess the ages were around 12, 17, 24. Then the following occured . . .

Oldest Sister: We need a phone charger.

Me: Ok, what phone do you need it for?

Oldest Sister: I have no idea.

Me: Do you have it with you?

Oldest Sister: No, its for my brothers phone.

Me (nicely, not sarcastic like it might sound): Well then I have no idea either.

Youngest Sister: Well do you know which one it might be?

Me: Um . . . we have about 30 different kinds of chargers in store and hundreds more we could order . . . so no, I have no idea.

Oldest Sister (Completely serious): Which one do you think it would be?

Me: You want me to guess?

Oldest Sister: Well, uh, maybe.

Me: I have no idea, do you know the brand of the phone, the color, or anything about it?

Middle Sister: It's a flip phone.

Me: Well so is about every phone we carry.

Oldest Sister: Its blue.

Youngest Sister: Do you have it?

Me: I still have no idea.

Bringing a box full of Dummy phones out of the back

Me: Does it look like any of these?

Them: No.

Middle Sister: Would another store have it?

Me: Well WE might have it, but there isn't much I can do without knowing what phone it is.

Middle Sister: Yeah, but would another store have it? Maybe they would know which one it is.

Me: Uh, well, I'm pretty positive no one is going to know what it is.

Middle Sister: Well someone else might.

Me (Tired of being nice): Look, we've had about 100 different kinds of phones in the last couple of years, about 50 of them fit the description you gave me. Of those 50, there are about 45 different chargers. So no, unless you can give me or someone else more information then you already have, then there is no way someone is going to know what phone charger you need.

Youngest Sister: It takes the same charger as my phone!

Me: Ok, well what kind of phone do you have, do you have it with you?

Youngest Sister: No, I don't have it. I dunno . . . it's a black phone.

At this point I let out a little laugh of disbelief

Me: Well, once again, if you can't give me more information . . .

Oldest Sister: OH! It has a little screen you hold sideways!

Me: Huh? You hold the whole phone sideways you mean?

Oldest Sister: No, you just hold the screen sideways.

Me: I have no idea what that means.

Oldest Sister: Hm.

So for 5 ackward minutes, they are sorting through the phone chargers looking for it. Then they stop and just stand there. I finally break the silence by saying . . .

Me: So . . . . I don't know what to tell you, you'll have to find out what phone it is and come back.

Middle Sister: It's a Samsung Hue

Me (in disbelief): What!?

Middle Sister: It's the Samsung Hue.

Me: Well, why didn't you tell me that?

Middle Sister: I dunno, I think I just remembered.

Me: You think you just rememb . . . That phone is red by the way.

Middle Sister: Well his is the blue one.

Me: There was never a blue one, it was always red. Are you sure thats the phone?

Middle Sister: No.

Me: Ok . . . well, we're back where we started, so . . .

Older Sister: Well, can we just buy the hue charger?

Me: Sorry, we don't have that one in stock right now.

Oldest Sister: Can you give us one close to it?

Not wanting to explain the obvious fact that a charger "Close" to the one you need isn't going to work I simply just said . . .

Me: No, its a pretty unique one.

Oldest Sister: Oh, ok.

Them: Well thanks, ok, bye!

I can dish it out, but I can't take it.

2008-12-26T23:29:00.004-06:00

I watched Sweeney Todd again tonight. I think its an amazing movie actually. I don't care much for the Gore or anything, unfortunately thats what sticks in everyones mind. I love the songs. The visuals. And of course, the one, the only, Johnny Depp.

Also, I find this incredibly interesting.

I just want to Love. But I'm not sure I even know what that means.

I have had a lot of thoughts lately. More on that to come I suppose. Or maybe it will just stay in my mind. We'll see.

My dad has the Live DVD of Bruce Springsteen in Dublin. It is one of the coolest things I've seen. Here is one of my favorite songs, sorry for the poor quality . . .

This is too good.

2008-12-26T11:12:00.003-06:00

The more I live life, the more I become an animal person. I fear that if I continue the progress I've been making, then I'll be one of those shut-ins that has like 34 cats, 13 dogs, 18 birds, a dozen gerbils and perhaps, finally, a Tibetan Fox.

Anyway, below is an example of why I love animals more and more.

PS- Me and my old roommate, Tom, were watching CNN last night. They had a special about shark fin soup. Now I've heard about the horrible process, but its nothing compared to actually seeing people, pull up a shark long enough to saw of its fins and then dump its bloody stump back into the ocean. I Recommend never watching such a process . . . however, I'm still posting a video of it.

Greek Riots

2008-12-20T23:18:00.025-06:00

You see the boy below?

He was 15 year old Alexandros Grigoropoulos and he was murdered by the greek police during an altercation on December 6th.

And people like the guy below weren't too happy about it.

Not just this guy, but a bunch of people weren't happy about it.

I mean a BUNCH of people.

And then people began getting all crazy.

I mean REAL crazy.

And they began burning things.

Not just things, but police officers.

Not just police officers, BUT EVEN CHRISTMAS.

Others just wanted some peace, man.

But you can't just burn Christmas and get away with it!

So they had to run from tear gas.

Finally, things were getting under control.

Except for this guy, he was still on fire.

There was a big mess to clean up.

There was healing to be done.

Not for this guy, he's still full steam ahead.

Oh God, where is the peace?

"The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thank you Boston.com

And Always, a big thanks to Wikipedia.

Passports, arguments and $115

2008-12-19T11:17:00.003-06:00

Today I had an appointment to get my passport down at the post office. The passport lady was named Marlo, and while she was a little rough around the edges, she was super nice . . . unless you annoy her:

during our processing, Marlo gets a phone call and puts it on intercom.

Lady on the intercom: Marlo, there is someone on line one to make an appointment with you today.

Marlo (Very patronizing): YOU make the appointment, I'm with someone, quit bothering me with something that you could have done in the time it took you to annoy ME with it.

Apparently this was enough to make the lady on the other end blow a fuze.

LOTI: Marlo, Don't you ever, ev . ., uh, (Shrieking) DO YOUR JOB MARLO, MAKE THE APPOINTMENT AND DON'T YOU EVER (Breath) EVER (Breath) EVVVEEERRRR TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN ON THE INTERCOM. (Hangs up)

I laughed at the irony of the lady absolutely losing it and yelling at Marlo over the intercom to never talk to HER like that over the intercom.

Marlo (To me): Hehe . . . she annoys me.

Me: Apparently not as much as you annoy her.

We both laugh.

3 minutes later, the lady on the intercom is now the lady in the room. She looks, acts and smells the exact opposite of Marlo.

LITR (So angry that shes trembling, literally trembling): HERE Marlo. Marlo, don't you DARE ever speak to me like that again, I mean don't you EVER speak to me like that again, and do your job.

Marlo (Passively while filling out my paper work): Well, today is my last day working here, so I probably won't do my job, but I WILL talk to you like that again if you call me about something so stupid.

LITR slams the door as she leaves.

5 minutes later, LITR returns.

Marlo: Don't schedule me any more appointments today.

LITR (Attempting to insult Marlo): GOOD! I was going to cancel them all anyway!

Marlo (extremely patronizing): PERFECT! Thanks!

Me: hahahaha

LITR then looks at me as if noticing me in the room for the first time and then turns and storms out.

----------------------

So all in all, my passport was a lot more than I thought - $115 - but I will budget at least $50 of that as entertainment.

This Confessional Corner thing.

2008-12-19T00:38:00.008-06:00

So my roommate Luke appears to have spent the better part of the day writing this post; his confession about his sweet tooth, specifically sugar cookies with icing. And whadya know, two plates of sugar cookies appear on our doorstep a few hours later addressed to Luke.

Apparently blogging is like rubbing a magic lamp. Unfortunately Luke made the mistake of only wishing for one thing - me, I'm going for all three.

Confessional Corner thing #1 that I would like to appear on my doorstep:

Yes, I already have an older model, but you can touch this one. Like on the screen. And it responds with tuneage. Awesomeness.

Confessional Corner thing #2 that I would like to appear on my doorstep:

Perhaps you saw this animal on another post of mine. Ever since I first saw one, I've been thinking of how to make one my own. Apparently I don't have to anymore, all I need to do is rub the blogging lamp and the blogger genie delivers me one.

Confessional Corner thing #3 that I would like to appear on my doorstep (and everyones):

Anyone that has 3 wishes has to use their last one for a selfless reason, or else their third one backfires and makes them worse off than they were before. Therefore, I am wishing for World Peace.

NOW BRING ALL THIS TO MY DOORSTEP NOW BLOGGER GENIE!

2008-12-15T15:23:00.002-06:00

Alltel again

2008-12-09T18:06:00.004-06:00

What a day. I wish I was there to witness this story, but alas, I wasn't, this was in our Junction City store.

Some guy who was looking at a Blackberry the other day decided to steal it when my co-worker wasn't looking. When this happens we immediately call customer service and have them freeze the serial number, this way they phone is unable to be activated. Either way, we're out of a $580 phone . . .

. . . unless the person who stole it then brings it back in to the same store and to the same person two days later to try to have us activate it on their account.

Seriously?

Seriously?

He's now in jail after a call to the popo. I don't understand people.

10:24am Alltel

2008-12-09T11:45:00.005-06:00

I don't know if people enjoy reading these, but at least I will one day when I look back through old blogs.

--------------------------------------

So, in the first 24 minutes of work, me and my manager Katie ran into 2 characters right off the bat.

Customer 1: My phone works, but my screen went out.

I take the phone, take out the battery, put it back in and the screen comes on. I then begin to pull up his account to find out his options for a phone that doesn't work properly.

Customer: How did you get the screen back on?

Me: I just took out the battery and put it back in.

Customer (angrily AT me): I DID THAT 3 TIMES ALREADY AND IT DOESN'T FIX IT, IT JUST GOES BACK OUT!

Me: Whoa whoa, all I did was get the screen to come back on, I didn't say it was permanently fixed.

The customer then begins staring at me with a half-grin, which I come to find out afterwards that he'll be doing most of the time.

Me: Ok, your options are to upgrade the phone with a contract or do an insurance claim which is $50.

Customer continues staring at me with the half-grin

Me (Ackwardly): So . . .

Customer still continues to stare

Me (feeling uncomfortable): . . . What did you want to do?

Customer: No.

Me: No?

Customer: I don't want to do either of those. What other options are there?

At this point, there are no other good options, so I begin reccomending 3 other rediculous options just to get him to quit staring. However, this only increased the staring.

Customer: If I do an insurance claim, I need it by Thursday, 8:00am sharp.

Me: Well, they send it through the mail and there is no way it will get here by Thurs . . .

Customer (Interrupting me): But I NEED it by Thursday.

Me: Well thats not going to work then.

Customer: Maybe I'll just go visit my buddies at US Cellular.

Immediately back to creepy stare mode.

Me: Ok.

Customer: Yeah, I'll see what THEY can do for me.

Me: Ok, but if you switch service now, you'll have a $200 cancellation fee because you're still under contract.

Customer (Angry again): So I'm screwed with all my options with Alltel.

Me: No, you're the one that is choosing the options that will screw you, you don't want to do the options that are best. The options you want to do (Cancelling service while under contract) are screwing Alltel, so they have a fee for that. I've offered you what options are best, I can't help it if you don't want to do them and choose ones that are a lot worse, thats your choice.

Customer stares at me for probably about 30 seconds without saying a word.

Customer: Why can't you help me?

Me (Seeing this is going to go in circles): You won't let me.

Stare Mode.

Customer: You know, I come to local dealers like y'all because I like to.

Me: (Not sure what to say) Thanks?

Customer: But you're not helping me.

Me: Well I am, but I'm just not sure what you want me to do beyond the 5 options I gave you. I'm not going to just give you a phone for free because you broke yours, which is what you seem to want me to do.

Stare Mode.

Customer: Ok, well I'll see what the other store can do for me (leaves)

------------------------------------------

This next lady came in about 2 minutes after the above guy. She pulled up in a brand new red Cadillac with a liscence plate that said "Pamperd". She got out of the car and had a giant fur coat on, high heels, and long curly blonde hair. A walking cliche. She acted exactly like you're probably picturing her. My manager Katie got the luxury of helping her.

Pamperd: Uh, like my bluetooth isn't connecting to me phone. I've tried it several times, and like, it just won't work.

Katie takes it and connects it in about 30 seconds.

Pamperd: Wow, how did you do that!?!

Katie explains and shows the process.

Pamperd: But thats what I did.

Katie: Well, I don't know what to tell ya.

Pamperd: But I did what you just said, how did YOU do it?

Katie: Huh? I did it how I just showed you.

Pamperd: But I did that.

Katie: Well, thats How i did it.

Pamperd: Huh, well hey, it like, won't work in my car either, would you like come do it out th . . . Oh nevermind, tee hee.

Katie: I'm not allowed in your car as an employee.

Pamperd: Well thats ok! You could just stand outside it (Mind you, I just looked at the weather, and with a 32mph wind, its 12 degrees right now).

Katie: Uh no, I'm not gonna do that.

Pamperd: Oh please? It would be helpful!

Katie: No, I just showed you how to do it, it works the same way.

Pamperd: But it like works for you, it doesn't, like, work for me.

Katie: No.

Pamperd: Ok, tee hee.

Pamperd then goes out to her car and proceeds to sit in it for about 20 minutes. We can only assume that she never figured it out.

At this point, we had only been opened 24 minutes. Boy I hope this continues for the rest of the day, it is by far the most entertaining thing to have happen at work.

Victory is sweet, even deep in the cheap seats

2008-12-08T01:46:00.003-06:00

So I'm going to ------------------->

in March.

That or I'm losing a lot of money.

I've had a lot I want to blog about lately and plenty of time to do it.

I spent about 2 hours entering all my poems into my computer the other night, but only made it about 1/4 of the way through . . . I have a lot more than I realized, scribbled on random, loose pages. They add up.

The ones I entered were from late high school and freshman year of college. During this time in life I was going through depression, it's what got me writing poetry.

Naturally the poems are not about puppies, rainbows or puppies riding rainbows.

I found myself, after reading and typing them, going to bed under the same cloud of depression that I wrote about . . . the same depression I haven't felt in 3 years.

It was gone by morning, and is still gone.

Art seems to have a spirit.

I mean that.

When you do art, you create a spirit.

Or, perhaps, abandon part of yours into it.

It truly is more than sensory, it is spiritual.

I poured my depression into my poems and that spirit came back for a visit the other night.

This was profound for me.

Art is spiritual.

Who would have thought that was true.

This. This is not normal.

2008-12-01T00:47:00.003-06:00

For any of you who know anything about food chains, the circle of life, or lizards, know that this is not right.

My lizard, Joseppi, seems to be confused as to why this should be an issue. Why allowing your food to sit on your face is not common.

But hey, I'm not complaining, those things are 50 cents a dozen, so the fewer he eats the better.

Insert Sad Indian

2008-11-25T18:12:00.002-06:00

So I've searched high and low and have typed in every synonym and variation of "Sad Indian Happy Thanksgiving" into google image search and have come up short.

Two days before purchasing my new computer, my last computer, a faithful E-machine, decided it just couldn't hang on long enough to see me strip it of its internal memory guts and transplant those guts in the new computer I was about to buy. It self destructed, burying itself and all my files and folders in a state of premature, permanent hibernation.

It wasn't that faithful after all.

On it was a very important file. This file contained a picture of a very sad looking Indain Chief, with "Happy Thanksgiving" at the bottom.

This picture was clearly to strike guilt in the fact that we're basically celebrating a meal that we historically ate and then shortly after, slaughtered the Native Americans in what was literally a Genocide and took their land.

And to an extent, we should feel guilty. However, its not typically viewed in the way I just presented it. And honestly, my original plans to fast on thanksgiving as a protest of sorts, was quickly abandoned for the sake of not having to explain to all my family in Colorado as to what I was doing.

Also, Green Bean casserole.

So I'm forgetting to an extent also.

However, I have so many more thoughts than I am currently sharing. And honestly, I don't really seek to make people feel guilty. It's more about stirring up a memory from my time on the reservation and briging awareness to the state of Native Americans from the position of where they once were.

I'm sure in a future post I will share much more about the injustice of the Native Americans and about how our country was founded on their graves.

But thats for another time. Until then.

Insert picture of a sad Indian Chief saying wishing you a "Happy Thanksgiving".

Today I lived, mainly free.

2008-11-24T00:08:00.003-06:00

So today, I had two main highlights and they both revolve around my friend Brad, age 9. Brad is the boy in the family at Colonial Gardens that our Life Group has really gotten to know and are still praying for big things to happen!

So anyway, Brad. John Schwartzs Life Group plays football with a bunch of kids around 10 years old as an outreach opportunity and me and Paul Bruss decided to take Brad. While he may be a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, this by no means translates to football skills. Two particular things were hilarious.

1. After a play, Brad goes limping off to the side lines, clearly hurt. When asking if hes coming back in to play, he says "no". I then naturally ask him if hes ok, "Did you get hurt"? "No" he Replied, "Something big is coming".

"Something Big is coming"?

"Yeah, you know that people say you can hear a heard of elephants coming from a long way away? Yeah, I hear a noise from a long way away."

"Brad, I don't think any elephants are around here."

"No, not an elephant, but something BIG"

"Like What?"

"Like, I dunno, thats why I'm going to stay over here while you all play and watch for it."

(Me smiling at the most elaborate injury cover-up I have ever heard) "Ok, well let me know if you see anything!"

2. After multiple plays of handing the ball off to Brad, and him running 2-7 yards BACKWARDS only to be tackled for a loss despite our best efforts to tell him to stop, it was clear a new plan was needed if Brad was to get the ball. My Idea: to hand him the ball and then pick him up and run forward. See, the boys get tackled, but the adults are two hand touch. So this idea was genius if I say so myself; Since Brad has the ball, he must be tackled, but he has me as protection.

Hike, the ball is handed to him. I run, grab him and run for about 5 yards as the boys try to tackle me. Right around 8 yards, Brad drops the ball and they recover.

Well, thats that.

2008-11-20T00:50:00.004-06:00

I have this rather peculiar friend who expresses her prophetic gifting in a way that is strange, random, and sometimes insulting.

But always in love.

Now God speaks to me too.

Images. Words. Dreams. Impressions.

But me and my friend are far different.

In fact, shes far different than any "Prophetically" gifted person I've met.

So tonight, as she demonstrated this again, I was perplexed.

I said in a prayer, "God, are you really speaking to her? If so, have her come tell me the answer."

Then, I look up and shes marching my way as the guitar is strummed and people sing.

She stoops down and looks at me and says,

"I don't know what you're asking God right now, but the answer is yes."

Pardons, Security alarms and crippled old ladies.

2008-11-18T20:55:00.003-06:00

Today I saw and heard a lot.

Like this.

Which reminded me of this:

Then I saw on CNN, that there is a 2,300 person list of people that are hoping President Bush will Pardon them in the coming months. And I thought, "Who made him God?". And then I remembered.

Then I saw on CNN that this kid shot his Dad and his friend and that people were pissed because his lawyer wasn't present during the questioning, But the kid confessed to it, but people didn't believe him because he was a kid. Either way, two people were shot to death and there wasn't a lawyer present for that either, so I'm not quite sure I actually believe it.

Then I saw, during a commercial between all the super positive and uplifting CNN stories, that if I call today, I can get a home security system with two key pads for $99 installed. They even showed an actual scene involving a girl and stereotypically dressed burglar and how the security system saved her life, and I dunno, probably her Big Screen TV also. Then I wondered, if Jesus hadn't been homeless how many keypads would he have had in his house? What I DO know, is that when I get to heaven and have to enter the pass code on the security alarm key pad, that if I have to guess, I won't guess 666 because that is bad and has something to do with Obama and the end of the world.

Then I saw this and wondered if people in this discussion have heard of Ron Paul. He seems to exhibit about everything anyone is arguing for. But what do I know, I didn't vote.

Then I saw this lady at work today. She was crippled and old, and as she wobbled into the door on a walker, I whispered a prayer to God, asking that he would help me truly love her and give me a glimpse of her life. As I helped her with her "Smart Phone" that truly was way smarter than her, I asked her about the picture of the family on the background. Then I watched as she bloomed. For the next 2 hours, we discussed her family and her life as I slowly worked for a solution on her phone. At one point, at the sake of sounding like a complete tool, I felt tears in my eyes for no reason, just extreme affection. Her husband and son were both heavily involved in the military, and while I strongly oppose military service, I found that I truly did care about them and her and none of my personal theologies or opinions factored in at all to our conversation. I thought; this is what unity looks like, unity is NOT agreeing on everything, its loving people through the power of the ONLY thing we need unity in, Jesus. Anyway, it was a blessed conversation, and it ended with her buying a different phone and giving me her $550, top of the line, all touch screen phone. I refused it, but she refused that. So I aquired quite the asset for my bosses and they loved me because of it, but I didn't love her because of it. While I never expect or desire something like this, or anything similiar, to be a reward for Love, I DO want to Love people in a way that will make them want to give me a $550 cell phone.

So God, give me that and nothing else.

I'm sorry, but this animal is awesome

2008-11-16T14:19:00.003-06:00

The Tibetan Fox. This thing rules.

Last night at Praise of the Peoples, I was telling Laura Byrne about this, when I then blurted out, "It even looks Asian" while taking my hands and pulling back the corners of my eyes. Then I realized where I was, the irony, and wondered how many people I had just offended.

Did anyone else see the patchwork rain clouds today?

2008-11-15T02:52:00.002-06:00

My God, The Clouds

Today the rain clouds form
in splotches across the sky
as if tears wept but unwilling
to meet the ground. So they
form, suspended above
people like me, who claim
God is speaking.

About Life. Maybe just mine.

I think, maybe things
don’t crumble—
they just fall into place.
Maybe I’ve built my life
like a tower, like Babel
when I should be a road
to Jericho.

I feel my language
is confused as I look to
The sky for communication.

Oh God, Oh God
I don’t know.
And I’m in danger.
The clouds seem to be talking.
They seem to be crossing the sky
and joining together in
some unholy upheaval--
Planning—
to leave rubble in their wake--

The Konza Is on Fire

2008-11-14T14:19:00.002-06:00

-Konza Prairie Fire-

Tucked in the hills of Manhattan
beyond paved roads and light pollution
Kansas is ripped open
and a prairie is delivered.
The land contracts and the sky dilates
as the Konza grass sways to
the beckon of a gentle breeze.

Annual fires dance
upon these hills, for it has been said:
“Without fire this would be a forest”
(True, you can lose direction in the woods,
but tall grass hides more than just your feet)
So we pay with
smoke and aborted baby
trees.

But I am no dousing rain;
They say it needs done and
I believe it. It’s just-- with
my feet here in the dirt
I can’t help but feel like a
newborn tree; delivered
from last years fire, not wanting
to be ash again.

Cha Cha Skittles!

2008-11-13T00:42:00.003-06:00

So, I'm now an employee of Cha Cha. So far I have made $20.10. Supposedly I can make up to $12 and hour. It's great though, I can answer questions in between writing blogs like this, surfing the net, watching TV, etc. The plan is to try to earn enough money to go to Holden Village over Spring Break. Anyone else want to do Cha Cha or go to Holden Village? Well Lemme know. $20.40 now.

I thought I would now leave you with this. I have been a sucker for humorous commercials lately, and this one really got me. Enjoy

via videosift.com

Letting it speak for itself

2008-11-11T15:06:00.002-06:00

A Different Kind Of Battle

2008-11-09T21:12:00.001-06:00

Written last year. True Story.

A Different Kind Of Battle

I remember the war.
Plastic, expressionless soldiers.
Full fledged camouflage.
All left jobs as billboard models for a greater calling.
Screws for joints.

I hated the phrase “All is fair in . . . something . . . and war.”
My enemies mom just bought him jet-pack soldiers
and jeeps for the grounded.
I can’t even begin to guess how many weeks of allowance
it took me to build my army.

By Sixteen hundred hours, an hour after school,
my foe, my best friend, had reduced my fight to one.
I knew it was time.

Enter:
Invincible G.I. Joe.

Screams of protest sprang from the other camp.
It reminded me of a phrase I loved.
“All is fair in my house and war.”

Color Me Red

2008-11-05T01:23:00.006-06:00

Yes, this title isn't quite the random title I promised in my first post.

Color me red.

God Humbled me tonight.

I have made no bones about my stance as a non-voter. I have, and will, make no bones about being un-patriotic. The truth is, if it was up to me, I would move from this country and have absolutely nothing to do with it.

That is true, I would move and shake the dust of my feet.

However, because I feel this way, is the very reason God has called me here. I refuse to be someone who just complains, or just packs up and leaves. I want to see Gods Kingdom here so badly. Not through the attempt of conversion of a Godless institution, but through his people, his church. Not through someone I (could) elect, but through me and my community.

Tonight, me and some of my community went to go and bring Gods Kingdom into the lives of a Grandma, Father and his three kids, lives. We met this family, when a couple of sundays ago, we knocked on doors to ask people if we could pray for them. Upon arriving at their door, they invited us in and we spent the next hour and a half inside their home. After leaving, no doubt, these were people of peace. God had sent us to that door for a reason. Through this family, our prayer was that we could establish the Kingdom of God, not only in their lives, but in their neighborhood.

So tonight, we went back to build on that relationship. To bring Gods love into their lives. To establish the foundation of Gods Kingdom in Colonial Gardens.

Now understand, over the past year, I have poured hundreds, if not thousands of hours into reading political articles, watching CNN, learning all about the candidates, watching debates, discussing, etc. Why all of this if I refuse to vote?

Because I find it horribly interesting.

So tonight, was like the superbowl - er, maybe olympics since it happens every four years- for me. I have been looking forward to this night for the last year. I had websites bookmarked, the "Channel Return" button set to toggle between stations covering the election, bought wine -- I was ready.

What I wasn't ready for was for the family to invite us to stay for dinner.

You see, we had made cookies for them, and in an ideal situation, we would just swing them by their house real quick; in a much less ideal situation we would stay for an hour and I would have to rush home to see the presidential race unfold.

So much for planting a kingdom, eh?

So when they insisted we stay for dinner, dominoes pizza, my stomach sunk almost as low as it did when they busted out phase 10, the longest card game ever.

I was upset. Not understanding how long it took to arrive at a winner for the presidency, I believed I would arrive home to discover the president elect, and not get to see it bloom in front of my eyes. Now the wine I bought to casually sip in a pretentious manner while listening to statistics, would be left for a late night rendezvous to curb my frustration (Dramatic).

This is when God grabbed me. I argue a lot for building Gods Kingdom over contributing to a man-made institution, however, I was choosing the institution over Gods Kingdom in this instant. I almost missed it!

Sometimes, when you feel passionately about something, it can blind you from an opportunity to live it. Arguing the Principle of it becomes a mirage of actual action.

Lately I've argued a lot against politics, in favor of God bringing his kingdom through his church and not a broken, Godless, system. Yep, I have.

Then, when God gave me an opportunity to live this, I almost blew it for reasons I denounce.

Now don't get me wrong, I didn't ALMOST miss it, I DID miss it. You see, right around Phase 3, God whispered this hypocritical irony to me. I almost laughed. Instead, I praised God for his revelation, repented, and in an instant, he truly did change my heart. So much so, that I was very disappointed that phase 10, was modified to phase 5 because others had actual legitimate places to be.

Truly dissapointed, I didn't want to leave. I WANTED to miss the election as a sacrifice to God, to show him how much my heart had just changed.

Now, while I did spend a majority of the time in this families home in a pessimistic state, this was a victory. God softened and humbled me, and answered my prayer. This isn't a victory for me, this is a victory for God. He pierced the sinful, rebellious heart in me. He was glorified.

This family is amazing. I am so pumped to go back again. To hang out with

Grandma Jane

John

Audree

Alexis

And Bradley

And I got to see all the election coverage I could want.

And it wasn't near as exciting as playing those last two phases.

And it turned out how I figured.

And It doesn't mean a single thing.

Gods Kingdom will come. Not through the president. Not through the voters. Not through the government.

But through me. Through you. Through Us.

It will come.

Old and hairy, but it has a point.

2008-11-03T00:49:00.003-06:00

God Pours and pours
his dousing rain upon the
somewhat open earth.
See, I’m a drop that gets caught
in the leaves of a mighty tree;
Sent from father, kept from mother;
Desperate-
like an infant weened.
Suspended between my maker and my mission,
I beg for a strong wind to shake me from my hell.

But what if I then end up in the gutter,
watering dismembered vegetated limbs?
if the sun calls me back into the clouds?
Collect into a puddle?

What if I make mud?

God pours and pours and I am left undrank.

My thoughts evaporate as it thunders-

I am no drop. I am no
Drop.

I am a tree, confusing myself with
what collects above my thirsty roots.

Oh My God, I Never Know How You Did It.

2008-10-27T00:53:00.003-05:00

Working at Alltel, I find that most customers I meet, I want to choke the life out of for reasons too numerous to list. But I see this as an amazing opportunity to work on this "enemy" love that Jesus demonstrated. So I've began praying that instead of desiring to shove their cell phone down their throat, that I could Love them, and have compassion.

Boy has God really amped up the type of people hes sending me. Here is a sample conversation of what I deal with.

______________________________________________

(Girl Enters Store)

Me: Hi, how can I help you?

Girl: I want to put money on my (prepaid) phone.

Me: Ok, what is your phone number?

Girl (Sarcastically): You can't just put money on my account?

Me (Overly Cheerful in attempts to be patronizing): Well yes, I can, but I don't know what your account is by you just telling me you want to put money on it, I need your phone number.

Girl: 785-xxx-xxxx

Me: Ok, how much would you like to put on?

Girl: Whats my balance?

Me: Negative four cents.

Girl: Ok, I'll put four cents on it.

Me (In Disbelief): Four cents?

Girl (Sarcastically): YES.

Me (Still In Disbelief): First of all, you can only add whole dollar amounts, secondly, adding four cents would do nothing for allowing you to make phone calls.

Girl (Getting upset): Fine, put $1.04 on it.

Me: I just told you, I can only put whole dollar amounts on it.

Girl (Even More upset): Ok fine, put $5 on it.

Me (Confused): You want $5 on it now?

Girl (Upset again): YES.

Me: Ok, your total is $5.35

Girl (About to lose it): YOU SAID YOU CAN ONLY ADD WHOLE DOLLAR AMOUNTS!

Me (in shock): I did only add a whole dollar amount, but like everything you purchase, it has tax on it. If you didn't want to spend over $5, then I'll have to put $4 on it.

Girl: Noooo, I want to put $5 on it!

Me (saying "Ok" in the same way she said "No"): Ooooookkkk, then your total is $5.35 just like WHENEVER you purchase something for $5, it will come out to be $5.35 with tax. If you only have $5, then I can add $4 and the total will come out to $4.28.

Girl (More upset than ever and extremely sarcastic): BUT THATS WHY I ASKED YOU MY BALANCE, THATS WHY I ONLY WANTED TO PAY 4 CENTS!

Me (Totally confused): That makes no sense. What does you wanting to pay 4 cents have to do with the fact that we have sales tax just like everywhere you buy something?

Girl (Frustrated): I Don't WANT to add four cents, I want to add $5!

Me (Glancing to my co-worker for help): And I added $5, but with tax it is $5.35. If you want to Pay $5 EXACTLY, then you're out of luck because we can only add in whole dollar amounts and when you tax a whole dollar amount, it comes out to a non-whole dollar amount.

Girl (Acting like I blew her mind): Huh?

Me (Trying to conclude this): So do you want to put $5 on it or $4?

Girl: Just put $1 on it.

Me (Not even bothering to question this): Ok, your total is $1.07

Girl then sets a 5 dollar bill and a 1 dollar bill on the counter, in which I immediately and dramatically pick up the 1 dollar bill and give it back to her along with $3.93 from the register. Despite watching me hand back the same $1 bill that she had just laid down, the girl seemed completely unaware of why the $1 bill she gave me was unneeded.

____________________________________

To be honest, our prepaid system can be a little confusing. However, checking the transaction history, this girl has come in to our store to add money about 20 times, most of those times adding $5. So why the 21st time was such a struggle for her, I do not know. What I do know, is despite her ignorance and anger, that is not a reason to be sarcastic or to try to make her feel stupid. That is not love. I'm not saying that sarcasm in and of itself is wrong or unloving, but it is when it is used to try to make someone feel stupid, like I did. I confess that. I want the kind of love that imparts value and doesn't require it. For what good is it if I just love those easy to love? No, I want to love those that don't deserve it, because that is Godly Love, that is true love.

Down with some things, up with others. How about just up.

2008-10-21T10:13:00.003-05:00

Well, it happened like I thought it might.

Whenever I write or say something like I did below, I usually regret it the next day.

NOT because I think I'm wrong or because I'm self-conscious, but because I feel the rants are rooted in anger.

Despite how it might seem, the below post is NOT aimed at people that vote, nor do I look down on anyone who votes. Its aimed at the institution and means being voted for . . .

Either way, I usually regret expressing my anger. I would so much rather be "pro" things and not all about "anti" things. Let the things I'm "anti" about worry about themselves, and I should focus on the things I'm "pro". Like, in this case, Gods Kingdom. This is rooted in a deeper pursuit in my life of striving to be a more optimistic person rather than an pessimistic person. So when I write posts like below, I feel that is giving in to the pessimism I am trying hard to fight.

I blame it on all the Rage Against The Machine I listened to in Highschool (and occasionly still do).

Here is a much happier end to the post . . .

People who check boxes and then eat potato chips and also something about eagles.

2008-10-20T22:53:00.007-05:00

I try to avoid posts like this, but I feel a little fiesty and a little judgemental (Even though I'm truly trying not to be the latter).

The American Government is a Godless institution that has made itself God.

"Once Abolish The God And The Government Becomes The God"

- G.K. Chesterton

Its an Idol. One that promises provision, safety and security by faith in it when our faith should be in God.

The whole method of being elected as head of it and then being successful as head of it is reduced to verbal sleight-of-hands, straight up lies, deception, tell-em-what-they-want-to-hear, and who can come up with the best smear ads.

Government is the EXACT example of humans taking things into their own hands.

Our Government does NOT seek to Glorify God, in fact, our government has done everything to keep God out.

And they have. And it is Godless.

So when this Godless institution does things like wage wars to provide safety for us and justice for them, they do it in their own name and not in the name of the Lord.

So when you kill in your own name, you are a murderer.

Some vote for a candidate because of the tax cuts, economic plans, and social security issues that they will implement. Really? So if candidate X gets elected and your taxes go up, God won't be able to provide everything you need? Or perhaps just everything you want? Of course! You MUST vote! If your Taxes arent cut, or heaven forbid, raised, then your quality of life will go down! You'll have to actually trust God because you'll have less money to put your faith in! So Vote Vote Vote!!!!!

Some vote for a candidate because of his plan to legislate morality. And of Course EVERY time you make it illegal to do something, people immediately repent of it. Like those homosexuals and people who abort babies. Making it illegal always softens their hearts and never hardens them more. It truly solves the problem. Thats why I'm proposing that we illegalize anger, lust, heresy, alcoholism, pride, cussing, cheating, apathy and masturbating. This way, all those people who did these things before can now become Christians. Thats why Jesus came, to tell people to either quit it, or he'd just make it illegal. Ya know, to bind people to the law.

Some vote for a candidate because of the way he is going to help the poor and needy. Instead of helping people themselves, they elect a candidate who will do it best for them. Let the institution take care of it. This way, people have their needs met by an institution who doesn't give glory to God. Now they can focus on more important things like having their taxes cut so they can have more stuff and stopping two guys from having sex. (I will say, it is better an institution does good than no good done at all, its the institution behind it that I question . . .)

Some vote because everyone says that they should. Or because everyone does.

So I wonder, when Jesus says in John 18 that his, "Kingdom is not of this world" meaning that our kingdom is not of this world either, that we try to exercise our convictions by supporting something that is anti-kingdom. While it may have glimpses of our kingdom, or try to potray itself as our kingdom, it is very much not our kingdom. So why would we be involved in something that is anti-God in its actions, systems, and beliefs instead to seeking to bring the true kingdom to earth?

Jesus didn't try to accomplish things through the politics of his day, so why do we? Jesus wasn't anti-politics, and neither am I, he just focused on the TRUE kingdom and not a fractured, sinful, fallen attempt of humans taking things into their own hands.

So why so much energy into something that is not Gods Kingdom?

I'm not perfect. Even when addressing the roots of the issues I have against the government I fall horribly short and end up hypocritical. I apologize for the sarcasm . . . it is sometimes the best expression.

Above all, I do believe that pursuing politics is a step in the wrong direction. Both Democrat and Republican, while they may steal our lingo, say nothing and do nothing about our true Kingdom.

See my friend Gregg for more.

This below is up to you to decide if this helps or hurts my point . . .

Not theological, I'm doing better

2008-10-14T00:10:00.016-05:00

Drowning in questions

God, I have so many questions.
Like, why did you drown all of those people?
And if you drowned them, why don’t you rupture
Tuttle Dam and drown me also?
Surely I’m more evil than them and condemn
this whole town? Or perhaps your anger was
quenched the first time?
Did Noah really sin less than them?
Why would you save animals over people? Or
could it be that people had become animals?

If so, I am an animal that can’t swim.
And I am drowning.
And I should.
I am evil.
And I should have been born in the time of the flood.
Before Jesus.
Before mercy?
Before Grace?
Before your anger was quenched?
God, I have so many questions.

Like why are some sent a flood
and others a Savior?

Hippies may recycle, but they smell like trash

2008-10-09T10:17:00.003-05:00

This summer in Niagara Falls, working for Youthworks, Recycling and I forever had our relationship damaged. Its something about spending 40 minutes each night cleaning out black beans from the creases of tin cans just so to recycle a few of them, when to do so comes at the cost of much needed sleep that will finally push you over the edge. All the questions I have ever had about recycling finally came bursting out in my mind. Why do WE (If not us directly, then the government using our taxes) have to pay more to recycle then to trash something if recycling is so good and saves resources? Doesn't recycling use a lot of energy? What about when I DON'T clean out the beans in the can, who does that? How does the whole process work anyway?

Well apparently a lot of people have these questions, and it appears that recycling may not be so good after all. I would go into all the reasons why, but I don't think I can put it near as well as Pen and Teller can while using some choice words (ok, several) to emphasize the point. So I encourage you to watch and see for yourself!

If you made it this far and are still not convinced, here are a few more links.

New York Times
Here
Here
And Here

Of course, to be fair, I do have a googling bias. Apparently googling "Recycling is bad" doesn't send pro-recycling links to the top of the search results. Clearly, like pretty much everything, you can google sites that will attempt to totally debunk anything written in these articles. However, no site will debunk Pen and Teller, because they are quite obviously infallible.

My point is that, how many of YOU have actually LOOKED into recycling? Did you just assume it was good because people, such as your favorite celebrity, told you it was? Did you even think that their might be another side?

Whether or not it is truly more beneficial to recycle or not, I do not know. What I do know is that is more beneficial to reuse. So do that. Heres a site I just joined called freecycle that I love.

This post is dedicated to all the "The-world-is-going-to-end-if-you-throw-away-that-piece-of-paper" recylers who make me want to buy paper just to throw it away instead of recycling it.

Trick me once, shame on you, trick me twice and the book comes unbound.

2008-10-07T00:09:00.005-05:00

So since my last blogpost, I was quickly informed by my roomate Luke that in order for my blog to reach the millions of people in which I've planned for it to do, I need to post more often then I've already started out doing.

So first, let me tell you my hindrances in doing so and how I plan to solve this problem.

My first hindrance is that my roommate stephen started a blog the same time I did. Not only has he already posted more than I have, hes a graphic designer. This means that in a fight to have the most creative blog layout, he will almost always win. I openly welcome any comments stating the superiority of my blog.

The second hindrance is the dissapointment I have felt in the ratio of comments to followers. Thus far, I have 4 comments on my first post, and only 1 follower. That one follower is my roommate Luke, which I had to ask to be my follower. So this leaves me to wonder why 3 people are quick to comment and slow to follow? I am very dissapointed in the fact that people aren't taking advantage of this feature. I have now used the word "dissapoint" in two different forms, and am positive that I misspelled it both times. Yep, spell check just confirmed it.

Those are really the only two hindrances that have kept me from throwing all my energy into this blog.

Now what I plan to do about it:

First off, I've started by putting links to a bunch of my friends blogs on my blog before I have even told them I have a blog. Luke told me that to get people to read my blog, I should post comments on their blogs. I like this idea, but first, I want to link them in my blog, so then when I comment on their blogs and they come on over to check out my blog, they see their name alreadly linked. This gives the appearance that I'm not merely commenting on their blog to draw attention to my blog, but I feel it says "Hey, I've been reading your blog before you knew mine even existed." So what this means is that everyone I've linked should shortly expect a comment on their blog so that you can experience this sleight-of-hand (so to speak).

The second thing I plan to do is randomly title every post I write. In seeing other people use this method, I feel this does an excellent job of drawing the reader in. Heaven forbid that I should ever write a post that has anything to do with my blog post. Cryptic writing is the key to getting people to discuss my blog.

The Third thing I plan to do, is to talk down to those who don't have a blog. Insults, sarcasm and emotional violence will be a part of this approach. The hope is to get people who don't have a blog to start a blog. Then this way, you better believe that I'm the first person they link/follow. Then everyone they link/follow after that will see my name on their page. This, of course, will get me many more friends. Mission accomplished.

Fourth thing, I plan on tattooing the URL of my blog to my forehead. However, I plan to leave out the "www." because that is a given in any URL. I feel this will draw much attention to me as a person, as well as my blog.

So there you have it. Blog post number 2.

Smoke Signals

2008-09-24T13:20:00.009-05:00

"There is no standardized code for smoke signals; the signals are often a predetermined pattern discerned by sender and receiver. Because of this, smoke signals tend to convey only simple messages, and are a limited form of communication." -Wikipedia

The thing about blogs is that they've always seemed like an expression of vanity. I can't but help narrow down the reasons for maintaining a blog to the following two reasons.

1. By publicly posting, the writer assumes that he has a consistent audience that is being blessed by his/her insights, struggles, funny pictures, creative blogging style, daily schedule recap and so on, all the while making frequent grammar and spelling errors as if to say, "See, I'm not as perfect as my blog." But I can't usually hear them say this because they're hoisted up too high on their pedestal as a result of having a blog.

2. I've also noticed a curious blogging style phenomenon that most bloggers occasionally, if not entirely, participate in. This occurs when the blogger writes what appears to be a personal inner monologue and seems to be unaware that they're posting this very publicly. However, following my main point that blogs are an expression of vanity, I liken this to when a muscular man takes off his top layer shirt, allowing all other shirts underneath to temporarily come with it, giving a free viewing of his tanned, muscular torso. We all know that this is intention in the guise of unintention. In much the same way, you bloggers who write like this, we totally know you're just showing off your inner emotional muscles. Get a journal.

So before I transition to the next part of my post, I would like to state that I fully intend on violating the above two points. Probably in the next paragraphs.

Smoke Signals

I sometimes feel that my prayers are like smoke signals. Are they working? Do they dissipate before they reach God? Do they just pollute? Will I even understand if he sends back an answer? This name is an expression of the struggle to understand God. This is a good struggle though, a struggle that doesn't discourage, but challenges. Challenges to figure out what God and I's predetermined code is. A challenge to look for simple messages in the midst of limited, communication, but full communion. A struggle to connect.

This is my good struggle to connect.

And plus- I think smoke signals are the only thing that can reach those bloggers way up on those pedestals of theirs.