2.19.2009

She wore that smile on her face, like a bandage on a wounded place

I've had a curious thing I've taken note of over the years. I've found that people, random people, open up to me more than I would ever expect. I do feel that God, "Highlights" people to me, and when I'm obedient, I start up converstaion with these people. It's always been better than good.

But, what I'm talking about are people I have no intention of going deeper with, who have all intention of going deeper with me. Not deeper to the cheerful things in life, but to their current pains.

Multiple times this has happened with cashiers at grocery stores. I ask them how its going, and am almost embarassed at the brutally honest answer they give me back. Random people in elevators, customers, coffee shops, classes, etc.

Today I heard these lines from a mewithoutYou song:

Not one motion of her gesture could I forget
The prettiest bag lady I ever met
Pushing her cart in the rain
Then gathering plastic and glass
She watched the day pass
Not hour by hour
But pain by pain
If I was a basket filled with holes
Then she was the sand I tried to hold
And ran out behind me
As I swung with some invisible hands


It left me to think, so many people do pass their day "pain by pain", no wonder they so openly talk in these terms to strangers. When pain is the marker of your day, it would make sense that its inner resevoir from which you speak.

Now I don't pretend that any sort of aura about me draws this honesty out of a stranger . . . but maybe so (that aura being Jesus)? I would venture to say that most of us have these experiences?

One thing I know is that God desires to make these more than just conversations to "Note", but when this darkness is exposed, I am to respond with light however that might look in a given situation.

Today I failed.

Gods funny, he'll answer prayers. Last night I spent time in prayer, begging the Lord to "re-ignite" my prophetic gifting. Why it needs "re-ignited" is not of importantance, what is of importance, is that he did re-ignite it, and I failed to use it accordingly this morning while at work. Heh.

A soldier came into the store I’m working at in Junction City, who is retiring from the military due to a war inflicted injury. While he is excited to be done and move back home to be with his family, he made it clear that the internal bleeding he is currently experiencing will be the end of either his life or his finances if the military does not pay for his medical bills. Right now, he is in a battle with them to do so. In that instant, the best way I can put it, is that God told me to pray for him to be healed.

Now, I believe God heals, and I've even prayed for God to heal individuals. But in this instance, God spoke to me in a way I haven't heard in almost a year and it made it clear as to what I was to do.

I was to pray for this man’s healing.

But I did not.

The lie that took over was that I was in a place of business and was on the clock and I bought it without hesitation. I folded to this, as if I was "on the clock" with Alltel, and "Off the clock" with God.

So, there I stood, just me, him and God. Him confessing his pain and fear and God wanting to heal that and me only being able to respond, "Well, best of luck" as he was then queued to leave.

Best of Luck? Luck? Yeah, I suppose luck is his best shot when God speaks to the disobedient.

I have no doubt he would have been healed.

So, now I'm left completely broken by this.

All I can do is pray for forgiveness, and ask that even though nothing would indicate that the customer is going to be coming back, that he would come back.

I pray that he comes back and this time meets God through an obedient servant.

1 comments:

readzebra said...

that's crazy man. but from everything i'm beginning to understand, God isn't the least bit surprised by our disobedience or incompetence. he knows how much we suck more than we do.

but keep telling the stories. understanding what's up within ourselves is the only way we CAN do better next time around.

and it'll never be too late to pray. thanks for sharing. peace.


PS you have the best blog entry titles around.