I'm not half as bad as God is good.

oh Lord oh Lord
we confess-
you came to set your flame-
to have it left in our hearts-
but it was misplaced,
on a candle before us.
and now we watch-
wax dripping through the
gaps of our fingers.

We gasp and fold
as the the flame
collapses down the wick;
expecting a scald as it
gives-up the ghost.




This is in response to a vision I received today of a man holding a candle, as the wax drips through his fingers. It was set with a hopelessness that, while the man currently has the flame of God, he can only think of it as temporary and how its going to burn as it leaves. Past wound of abandonment? All I know was that it wasn’t for anyone in the room.

She wore that smile on her face, like a bandage on a wounded place

I've had a curious thing I've taken note of over the years. I've found that people, random people, open up to me more than I would ever expect. I do feel that God, "Highlights" people to me, and when I'm obedient, I start up converstaion with these people. It's always been better than good.

But, what I'm talking about are people I have no intention of going deeper with, who have all intention of going deeper with me. Not deeper to the cheerful things in life, but to their current pains.

Multiple times this has happened with cashiers at grocery stores. I ask them how its going, and am almost embarassed at the brutally honest answer they give me back. Random people in elevators, customers, coffee shops, classes, etc.

Today I heard these lines from a mewithoutYou song:

Not one motion of her gesture could I forget
The prettiest bag lady I ever met
Pushing her cart in the rain
Then gathering plastic and glass
She watched the day pass
Not hour by hour
But pain by pain
If I was a basket filled with holes
Then she was the sand I tried to hold
And ran out behind me
As I swung with some invisible hands

It left me to think, so many people do pass their day "pain by pain", no wonder they so openly talk in these terms to strangers. When pain is the marker of your day, it would make sense that its inner resevoir from which you speak.

Now I don't pretend that any sort of aura about me draws this honesty out of a stranger . . . but maybe so (that aura being Jesus)? I would venture to say that most of us have these experiences?

One thing I know is that God desires to make these more than just conversations to "Note", but when this darkness is exposed, I am to respond with light however that might look in a given situation.

Today I failed.

Gods funny, he'll answer prayers. Last night I spent time in prayer, begging the Lord to "re-ignite" my prophetic gifting. Why it needs "re-ignited" is not of importantance, what is of importance, is that he did re-ignite it, and I failed to use it accordingly this morning while at work. Heh.

A soldier came into the store I’m working at in Junction City, who is retiring from the military due to a war inflicted injury. While he is excited to be done and move back home to be with his family, he made it clear that the internal bleeding he is currently experiencing will be the end of either his life or his finances if the military does not pay for his medical bills. Right now, he is in a battle with them to do so. In that instant, the best way I can put it, is that God told me to pray for him to be healed.

Now, I believe God heals, and I've even prayed for God to heal individuals. But in this instance, God spoke to me in a way I haven't heard in almost a year and it made it clear as to what I was to do.

I was to pray for this man’s healing.

But I did not.

The lie that took over was that I was in a place of business and was on the clock and I bought it without hesitation. I folded to this, as if I was "on the clock" with Alltel, and "Off the clock" with God.

So, there I stood, just me, him and God. Him confessing his pain and fear and God wanting to heal that and me only being able to respond, "Well, best of luck" as he was then queued to leave.

Best of Luck? Luck? Yeah, I suppose luck is his best shot when God speaks to the disobedient.

I have no doubt he would have been healed.

So, now I'm left completely broken by this.

All I can do is pray for forgiveness, and ask that even though nothing would indicate that the customer is going to be coming back, that he would come back.

I pray that he comes back and this time meets God through an obedient servant.

Soda Fountain Murder

Today, I'm working at our Junction City Alltel store that does not have a bathroom. So when I work here and have to go to the bathroom, I head to the close by gas station. I have also made it a habit to buy a fountain drink, in which the cup may or may not be used again later in the back room as an alternative to the gas station facilities. . . deal with it.

Anyway, I had a VERY interesting exchange at the soda fountain with a person I can only describe as a big, burly, black man.

I first took notice of him because he had brought in his own mug to fill up that could hold a small lake. Now I've seen big mugs before, but this thing was a titan. SO big, that he actually had to remove the bottom part of the soda fountain to get it under the ice dispencer.

Me: Whoa, that is quite the mug you got there.

BBB: Yeah, Her her her. (He laughed the same way he would say "Her" over and over again).

Me: How big is that thing anyway?

BBB: A gallon and a half. Days worth of water.

Me: Well, better to drink that much water than pop! You can see that I'm not follwoing your lead (As I fill up my 44oz dwarf cup with Dr. Pepper).

BBB (mumbles): My Doctor told me I couldn't have pop anymore or else I'd die. BUT THEN HES THE ONE THAT DIED A WEEK AFTER THAT, HHHHEERRR HER HER HER HER HER HER HEEERRRR HER HERR.

At this point, I stared at him blankly, proceeded to put a lid on my cup and leave as quick as I can.

Now mind you, the way he said it leads me to believe his doctor actually did die a week after his appointment. While he could have been trying to make a "Joke" that he killed his doctor after he was told he couldn't drink pop, thats not how it came across. It came across as him finding it hilarious that his doctor died a week after his appointment after telling him that HE'D die if he kept drinking pop.

Maybe I don't appreciate Irony as much as this fella.

Junction City is a weird, weird place.

Don't know why I'm posting this.

So, a couple of weeks ago I got the chance to go see the OKC Thunder NBA team play a basketball game. I thoroughly enjoyed the game, except for this little stunt at half-time.

Now let me say a few things. DON'T watch this video if you're easily traumatized. My mom was crying after this happened.

A few other things. This magician came out, building this trick up to be amazing because it was the first time that it was being done in full view . . . and thank God it was. Also, while the video is only 1:31, she was under water for 4 FREAKIN MINUTES. This video does not do the horror of this event justice. What you can't see, but we could see on the jumbo-tron was that she was turning the darkest color of blue I have ever seen someone turn. And after she was revived, they zoomed in on her again on the jumbo-tron and she had thrown up all over herself.

This was probably the worst thing I've ever seen. My heart was racing, because I was pretty sure I had just seen someone drown. People in the crowd were yelling, "Let her out, Let her out!" about 1 minutes before they actually did, because she was clearly struggling. Actually being there, and watching the whole thing unfold without knowing what was happening or going to happen was the most scared I've ever been for someone.

Link: http://thunder.fandome.com/video/109032/Magician-Nearly-Drowns-In-Half-Time-Stunt/?q=c

It blows my mind, they had absolutely NO medical people on standby. And the locks on the outside? How was she supposed to get out if it was locked from the outside? Why did she HAVE to get that last hand-cuff off (She tried it 3 different times and went on to the other locks because she couldn't get that one off)?

Ugh, horrible

Bird

It’s all crazy! It’s all false! It’s all a dream! It’s alright.

Well, there it is. The Title of the new mewithoutYou CD coming out. The Title is an adaptation of an exerpt from "The Golden Words of a Sufi Sheikh" by Bawa Muhaiyaddeen.

While not thrilled by the title, I am by the artwork:



Then I heard the lyrics, the best part about mewithoutyou, being described as about anthropomorphic food and animals and was immediately skeptical.

But THEN I found this really obscure website where someone gave the leaked track listing (Which I won't post, mainly because I can't find it again) and immediately became super pumped again because, although strange, they sound like only songs mewithoutYou can pull off.

Here an upcoming new song by them that I heard live. This video won't do it justice, but here it is!

That dog is slobbery

The title of this post came from a dog on a TV commercial I was watching as I was trying to come up with a title. Thats all.

David Bazan is coming out with a new CD soon and I am pumped, even though he is one of the most depressing people I've ever known of. I got the luxury of seeing him live at the bottleneck awhile back and I loved it. I accidently backed into him at the bar before his show . . . it was great. He is also looking for places to play house shows on his next tour. I really want to host one but have a severe lack of room to host him. If anyone knows of a good place with a big room or back yard to host him, LETS CHAT. But he gets to stay at my house.



However, my FAVORITE band has done a very very poor job of giving details about their new CD. I have literally checked their myspace almost every day since August and only recently have they put up info about their new Album, which still gives little information other than "Almost done"



In case you haven't got enough videos for the day (or night (Or whatever other state of day you inhabit)) then, here is another one that is quite longer but I HIGHLY recommend. Speaks a lot of reconciliation, hope, healing and humility.


This post is also an official goodbye to my friends B & B . . . how I will miss you so.